Diary of Lisa Taylor, reluctantly 42 (and a half)

Or.. 'f.ck me I'm forty.. two.. and a half', though can look 38 on a - not so deluded - good day. Or 'How to reconcile a well experienced mind trapped in a still - but for how long? – youthful body.' Don't have the 30somethings angst/problems, neither have the resigned (?) ageing baby-boomers in safe family territory outlook yet. Here's how I cope, one day all sexy women will get old... but never invisible. © Lisa Taylor 2005/6/7/8/9. Jeez.. so much for the 42 and-a-half delusion

Thursday, February 05, 2009

4 February - Handjobs

I have some plans ffor stuff I want to do after I'm 50. I always go on and on about pepole (our parents, older relatives) who were going to do this and that after they retired, only to be cut down by illnesses and other unexpected turns which mean their treasured plans have not just to be postponed but simply cannot happen any more.

I can think of nothing worse than not being able to do something I've given a lot of thought about and loaded with desire, so I thought I was being smart in not leaving said things to after I've retired and that in choosing 50 (50 is the new 40 and all that), I was on course.

Ah, but not so. It seems that you really can't second guess ageing. I've recently had one of those top to toe medicals and was very pleased with myself (as indeed I was two years ago) when told that nothing much had changed and everything was working well. Of course I knew of a few things that don't pertain to that medical, ie you know the bunions that will have to be addressed, the carpal tunnel (both hands)that was addressed last year with small surgery, the eyesight dimming and so on. And all that other horrid gunky mess that will be the menopause.

So stone me if I could have predicted that other simple, small things could come between me and my 50 something plans. Right now I have a right forearm that's pretty much constantly in pain and I don't think it's tendonitis. I also have a left thumb that's in pain (no reason, I didn't get it caught in anything) and that can take no pressure, so for example pressing together 2 of those popping buttons on a coat has to be done w/o the left thumb involvement. It means you can't hold down a carrot tht you want to slice with your right hand and you certainly can't do any press ups or downward dogs. It's only a thumb but w/o you you're screwed.

Am yet to go to a specialist about it (GP gave anti-inflammatory ages ago that does not a jolt of difference to either thumb or arm) and so am not yet sure if this will be swiftly cured, but the point is, if it can't (have taken to carrying shopping bags in crook of arm) then what of my plans. I mean, they do involve some rock climbing in the himalayas after all or rowing a boat or carrying my own suitcase or rucksack. Withouth hands you're pretty screwed and you or your man are never going to get a handjob again. He can still get a blowjob but what about me if he's not around?

So there you go. I am now sitting here thinking that those plans should just be carried out when you're 40 at the most. Maybe it's already too late. Maybe not only will you look stupid in a stupid outfit at Burning Man but you won't even be able to take yourself there... I'm in an extremely bad mood about all this. Of course I can still type about it and bore you but if I could thunder like a Greek god I'd urge all ye young people reading this, if there are any, to just go do mad things NOW and never wait under the weight of responsibilities to jobs, family and so on. Just go.

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