22 August - slovaks

Seth phones, a rare call from a much much, missed ex lover - chemistry rules in my world. Tells me he has finally retrieved his old laptop from storage but as it’s as dead as a dodo and a 1999 model it’s not worth repairing it to give to me as discussed a few months back. He asks me how much a laptop is and I reply that for my needs it’s probably a £400 item. He proposes to send me a cheque for half the amount. ‘Why would you do that?’ I ask? ‘Because I promised you and I want you to write’. I accept and am touched by the gesture. In fact I immediately email various girlfriends to share the good news. By the evening I re-evaluate. I know why he didn’t offer to buy me one in toto -that would make him too much of a hero and he no longer needs to impress me that much. It’s still a great gift, but nothing to compare to the amount of money he will start giving shortly to another more recent ex lover who is about to have his first child; nursery decoration is the least of it. I don’t think the lady in question will do a stroke of work from now on and as she currently shares with a bunch of other people, I’d think a new flat is in order.
This brings me back to an evening a couple of months ago or so when I met Seth for a drink after not seeing him for months and he had barely sat down to a glass of wine when he whipped out of his wallet a picture. I assumed it would be of a child he had never mentioned, but was in fact a baby scan. He’d never mentioned a relationship in recent months and in fact it all happened rather quickly ‘And I’m not with the mother, I told her straight away that having the child would not make me carry on the relationship, but I’ll do whatever it takes for it’. Mmmhh. All he told me about her is that she’s beautiful, Slovak and young. Ah well, at least she wasn’t stunning, smart and intelligent. As I controlled my face from the moment he extracted the wallet, I was able to say ‘Congratulations!’ without choking. He remarked on my equanimity which allowed me to say that as he’d previously shown me not an ounce of empathy or sympathy during our break up weekend when I cried all the tears in the Nile, I was done with being upset by anything he subsequently did. I just told him that the funny thing was, that my friend Gabriel had been in a similar situation the year before, with a Polish lady who was also young and beautiful (and v. erratic) and a lovely daughter was born and Gabriel was paying for a flat - he didn't carry on the relationship - and for his child’s mother’s university or flower decorating classes. Gabriel only saw his daughter when she wasn’t held to ransom by the mother and in any case he didn’t seem to be that available or interested. – but he already had other children so the thrill of the first was not there. I came away from all this having a small and no doubt shameful prejudice confirmed (all former Eastern Bloc women are on a mission to find well meaning/paying partners - both Seth and Gabriel happen to be Consultant surgeons - and never mind about the poor kid), a re-inforcement of the ‘All men are led by their dick’ belief. And a very sad feeling for an innocent baby boy who come October will be delivered and acknowledged but won’t have a birth father that is around. Then again, maybe the love of just your mother is enough? Personally, I loved having a dad there too.