25 July - bruises

I don’t have to touch it to feel it. The weal on my sitting bone, very close to my labia. This time it’s not one of the usual shaving disasters - should always do bottom legs first to get reaquainted with razor. I am going to write down random suggestions a bit like, if you want to get rid of ink stains from clothes, soak in milk, lots of milk. Laura told me this one but it didn’t work on an expensive scarf ruined by a stupid lose Bic in my bag. Think it has to be a fresh stain rather than a few months old one. Anyway. So here's the one for today: if you go riding horses they always tell you to make sure you wear riding trousers and not for example jeans, however comfortable they may be because the seams can chafe etc. I don’t remember ever reading that you should also watch what u/wear you sport but beware because the same thing can happen there. Think the overall rule is cotton instead of synthetic of course but style matters also. Big pants better than g-strings overall. I knew it yesterday that there was something annoying me but there was never a chance to adjust the fit discreetly and I wasn’t to know we would do a lot of sitting trot work or feet out of stirrups which amounts to lots and lots of bouncing for ‘despite 30 lessons or so still’ beginners status like mine. So bounce on a tiny scratch or irritated skin and bounce again and again and you go home with a minor injury in a very delicate area. Not that I imagine I ever need to cover up scratches left by a previous lover on my body (to, say, a new one) but should remember that you can use this excuse and say some item of your clothes was rubbing you the wrong way at riding/exercise class/cycling! They may well buy it.

Talking of which… my pole dancing friend Alison warns about the high incidence of bruising. Again, till you get good you’re going to be shit and hurt yourself repeatedly by hitting the pole instead of gracefully swinging away from it with a lot of muscle control. Two days after class no. 2 she wore a skirt to work having not looked at her shin bones and knees that morning and a colleague noticed the bluish/red patchwork of size 3” upward marks. Not wishing to reveal her new pass-time (it’s still a bit red light isn’t it? Who wants to spend ages explaining it’s just for fitness when people think Stringfellows) she said she fell off her bicycle. To the puzzled look of concern re. details of the accident, she said it happened from stationary – too complicated to come up with an instant tale of taxi cutting her up, falling on the path of another cyclist etc. Must have been one hell of a fight with the chassis and the pedals clearly. But the implausibility did not elicit more questions. No wonder it’s so easy to get away with bashing your wife’s face in, if you can just say she walked into a cupboard door etc and nobody probes further.