16 March - Farts & Odds

Told a friend who's a year younger than me, that this ageing thing is going to be very annoying. One thing I read about and seems to be progressively happening is that despite no changes in my diets, I seem to pass wind an awful lot more frequently. Thankfully it tends to be when I get up and am in the bathroom (at least I hope so, though have always had the good habit of opening bedroom windows ... I once worked as a chambermaid in a hotel one summer holiday and I think it should be obligatory for guests to open windows, though in most establishments they're bolted shut. Damn health and safety. My heart goes out to elderly homes workers, must be hell), or when I get outside the flat in the street. At certain times of the month (turn away squeamish men but menstruation just turns our insides round like a washing machine) I have to get out of rooms/cars/tube carriages as it gets a bit too awful for words. One morning I woke up and thought, best avoid visiting the BF on such days as the poor guy had to inhale deadly fumes. How embarrassing.

C. agrees and further adds that hers are noisy. Thank god for friends. A problem aired... (ahem). Instantly feel better about my volume control. They're silent and on the whole not that deadly but how would I know? Feel like printing a card to flash to those around me with an apology. Any better ideas?