1 May - Bad & News
There has to be some bad stuff in the stars or, as a friend said when I related the following bad things befalling friends, I'm the unlucky amulet they've all 'touched'.
The following news shocked me in the space of a few days from one another:
the sister in law who's not a sister in law and is not married herself has declared her relationship is finished, non-husband has moved out already and their holiday to Majorca was so they could tell the kids about the new life ahead w/o them receiving the bad news in their own home which apparently is very bad. Best to be on neutral ground. Didn't see it coming apart from reports of bickering. They've grown apart. He's too consumed by work /travels constantly. She over emphasises the kids the kids nothing but the kids. That's it, ten years. Ciao. They say noone else involved and I say well I'll eat my hat if in a month or two non husband who's not fought very hard to stay in this relationship doesn't introduce some young/free/slim new partner in his life. Funny that non wife had house massively extended/done up before seeking split. She of course remains in said house. He has to go to flat nearby.
I visit a non intimate friend by I like her an awful lot and I ask how the launch of web magazine is going. She said it's been delayed. I say oh no, technical stuff, people letting you down? She deadpans 'husband's affair didn't help there'. I fall off the proverbial stool. We recently spent 4 days with these people and not a hint, apart from small touches of tetchiness. Which couples have of course. I say what/how etc and turns out the affair was last year but she's recently foudn out he's still in touch wtih the woman and that's that. I say did you have any inkling and she replies 'his massive weight loss was a sign, but disappearing outside to make phone calls was the second /other classic'. Turns out she was very down last year and he was simply not there/understood. And bang, someone else offers non depressing alternative ... Friend seems to be holding up well. She also gets to keep the massive designer house which in these cases is a good trade. She also says when she met him years ago, she was the other woman to his longstanding relationship so she can't go all hypocrite over this. She says they're friends. I say yeah, till he parades new woman around and/or wants to move back into this house.
You may gather that I am of the school of 'exes are not friends'.
Mother of long long gone and dead ex boyfriend rings to tell me her husband has died. Stomach cancer. He was super old but a man who liked to invent stuff and travel a lot, so someone who had good energy. She's now facing all those admin things that he always took care of, like trying to get out of sky sports subscription etc. Make mental note to increase frequency of calls to her from 3 or 4 a year to .. monthly at least.
Another friend writes of her Easter lunch breakdown after cooking for 20 odd people from scratch and ... oh I won't go into it as my sympathy for this was cut short by...this:
L's goddaughter, 15, hanged herself. Had had depressive episodes in the past. Rang a friend to tell her she was going to kill herself. Friend tried to find father (who has second young family and the daughter lives with them) who was at family picnic. They rush back but it's too late. Don't know more than this and don't want to. Imagine that whatever it is is nothing that at age 18 you wouldn't find totally manageable/resolvable but at 15 just too crushing to battle it. Does anyone ever get over a suicide?
The following news shocked me in the space of a few days from one another:
the sister in law who's not a sister in law and is not married herself has declared her relationship is finished, non-husband has moved out already and their holiday to Majorca was so they could tell the kids about the new life ahead w/o them receiving the bad news in their own home which apparently is very bad. Best to be on neutral ground. Didn't see it coming apart from reports of bickering. They've grown apart. He's too consumed by work /travels constantly. She over emphasises the kids the kids nothing but the kids. That's it, ten years. Ciao. They say noone else involved and I say well I'll eat my hat if in a month or two non husband who's not fought very hard to stay in this relationship doesn't introduce some young/free/slim new partner in his life. Funny that non wife had house massively extended/done up before seeking split. She of course remains in said house. He has to go to flat nearby.
I visit a non intimate friend by I like her an awful lot and I ask how the launch of web magazine is going. She said it's been delayed. I say oh no, technical stuff, people letting you down? She deadpans 'husband's affair didn't help there'. I fall off the proverbial stool. We recently spent 4 days with these people and not a hint, apart from small touches of tetchiness. Which couples have of course. I say what/how etc and turns out the affair was last year but she's recently foudn out he's still in touch wtih the woman and that's that. I say did you have any inkling and she replies 'his massive weight loss was a sign, but disappearing outside to make phone calls was the second /other classic'. Turns out she was very down last year and he was simply not there/understood. And bang, someone else offers non depressing alternative ... Friend seems to be holding up well. She also gets to keep the massive designer house which in these cases is a good trade. She also says when she met him years ago, she was the other woman to his longstanding relationship so she can't go all hypocrite over this. She says they're friends. I say yeah, till he parades new woman around and/or wants to move back into this house.
You may gather that I am of the school of 'exes are not friends'.
Mother of long long gone and dead ex boyfriend rings to tell me her husband has died. Stomach cancer. He was super old but a man who liked to invent stuff and travel a lot, so someone who had good energy. She's now facing all those admin things that he always took care of, like trying to get out of sky sports subscription etc. Make mental note to increase frequency of calls to her from 3 or 4 a year to .. monthly at least.
Another friend writes of her Easter lunch breakdown after cooking for 20 odd people from scratch and ... oh I won't go into it as my sympathy for this was cut short by...this:
L's goddaughter, 15, hanged herself. Had had depressive episodes in the past. Rang a friend to tell her she was going to kill herself. Friend tried to find father (who has second young family and the daughter lives with them) who was at family picnic. They rush back but it's too late. Don't know more than this and don't want to. Imagine that whatever it is is nothing that at age 18 you wouldn't find totally manageable/resolvable but at 15 just too crushing to battle it. Does anyone ever get over a suicide?
posted by Lisa Taylor @ 8:13 AM
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