24 March - Courting & MP3s

Wonders of modern etiquette: Gemma is nearing the end of a comedy course up in Camden. Wonder if this has anything to do with the way she’s approaching life, everything is a sketch after all, but….she told me she didn’t know how to get rid of the boyfriend; she’s tried before, he’s unshakeable, the type who says ‘You don’t know what you’re saying/you’re upset/deranged/you don’t really mean to leave me’. So she wanted to write him a letter/email and not hear back from him with ‘Give me one more chance, let’s go away, let’s buy you something from Horrids’. Only she couldn’t really be arsed to work out how to put things, as, after all it’s always the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ line that you have to give instead of the plain truth. In this case, ‘You’re short, you’re not attractive AND you’re boring, though I have a penchant for Irish accents’. So she surfed the net and did a cut and paste ‘Dear John’ letter with very thoughtful paragraphs taken here and there. She also said in her every so considerate email she was going to be abroad and not reachable for weeks, on a safari or something.
At the same time, she was excited to receive from a new admirer, an mp3 containing a courting ballad the boy had composed especially for her. Titled ‘I Can’t Believe I’ve met an Angel’ or similar. How sweet. I suggested she checks if said song is not cobbled together with cut and paste melodies and lyrics from other existing efforts appearing on myspace.com or other home of unrelased material or even a James Blunt top line.