8 April - Short skirts & Spring

It’s spring oh yes. I will steer clear of comments about women’s attire for once. You know, the you’re too old for a miniskirt love and if you insist on wearing one, please don’t sit with your legs crossed on the tube or on a low wall eating your lunch because I can see your snatch and so does the bloke next to me and he probably has to get off at the next stop and will miss it. Plus you know, it's a cheap trick if you're aware of doing it and if you're not, then you're just giving them free horn. But I’ll say this about men’s. This morning I realised why ties are in use, still. They essentially cover the button fastening area of your shirts. This means that if your shirt gapes at the buttons because you’re a bit too large for it, I do not see your body hair so clearly. Of course if you’re very fat a tie is no use but it kind of makes everything neater. That, or wear a vest. I know it’s terribly looked down in this part of the world but the French, Spanish and Italians (who also have been ditching them in recent years, sadly) wear them and when they’re white and clean they’re sexy in my book. It also means that if the sun is really hot, men can take the shirt off and walk about with it hooked on a finger and over their shoulders, their other hand of course is occupied by a cigarette ... am picturing Alain Delon here or Antonio Banderas back in Almodovar days. Am sure Gael Garcia Bernal still wears one even though he lives in Shoreditch these days. Rents from a friend of mine. Such a shame am never asked to go and collect the rent.