26 February - Uggs & Mash

Poor Pammy Anderson, she hadn’t realised that Uggs are made of sheep leather/shearlings. And she’s an animal lover who campaigns against fur etc. So she says she’s going to launch her own synthetic line. First of all Pammy, your line is not needed, the high streets of the worst boroughs in London are lined with shops which sell £10 Ugg copies (they are dwindling away in the wake of fake Juicy Couture trackies thankfully) and secondly ‘No, no, no! Uggs are ugly’. Ok so she used them in the only way they should be allowed, ie when she was filming Baywatch and she had to keep warm in between takes whilst wearing only a red swimsuit (and a parka I hope) and they probably started filming at 7am to get the light, but she hasn’t filmed Baywatch for years so she should give them up. I think the only people allowed to wear them should be old folk in old folks homes. I don’t begrudge them some foot comfort and if they wore stilettos they may use them to stab their carers in rare moments of lucidity when they realise their lives are ending like so many packets of mash gathering dust in my cupboards (no idea why have bought them from time to time, am so against food out of packets it doesn’t make sense) so… er, where was I? You’d never know I manage a pretty demanding job. Not.