7 October - How to lose friends....

How to lose friends part 25… So, I am talking to the BF, just before I go into a yoga class and approx 2 hours before am meant to turn up for dinner at a girlfriend’s house. We discuss who to invite at a lunch he wants to give soon and who fits with whom. He likes my girlfriend, she’s v. sexy, and he has the odd single male friend we could set her up with except that his friends are usually in possession of a Masters or a PhD or two and like their arts and politics and my girlfriend, whilst being smart and intelligent and talented in her work, would have to duck out of discussing the finer points of Philip Roth or care one jolt for Sally Potter directing her first opera. Enough said. So the girlfriend is in on my mind when I write a ps. text to the BF to further dissuade him from thinking about his plans - and to be honest to further re-inforce into his mind that an eventual liaison with my girlfriend would not last long when he chooses to spend hours reading the Sunday papers or turning Bach on in the car. Though am sure that doesn’t stop him fantasising. When a man says more than three times about your g/friend ‘She looks good!’ you know what he’s thinking.

A few seconds later I get a text from my g/friend asking ‘Who was that for????’ It takes approx half a second to realise I have sent her the text about her. And it’s not flattering. Here it is: ‘So, L splept with the electrician and but now is thinking about this dustman she knows. Clearly working her way through trade association… extreme reaction to the fine arts and quasi guru ex husband…’

This is where I go white and quickly reply ‘It was for Toph who keeps wanting you to meet his ugly professor friend N. and as you told me you were into a chef you met in a pub recently, and it wasn’t long ago you went out with a builder and we still talk about the love of your life, the carpet fitter… I thought it best you know…‘
She replies ‘Ah….’
I reply ‘Please forgive me, Toph has already told me off plenty’. This is not true… yet, but she likes Toph so she’s pleased he’s sprung to her side.
Ok, but she’s not happy. I can tell. I walk into yoga and can’t concentrate, this is a serious f uck up on my part being that it wasn’t long ago she started speaking to me again after a year in purdah. And I made the first move. Yoga teacher finds it v. funny! And wants to use it for a script she’s writing. She’s welcome but here it is on my blog first. Later g/frend texts I should bring some humus. I say yes and turn up with plenty more items on top and a bottle of wine. She opens the door and sees the goods and says ‘You’re grovelling!’. I say yes, and realise am in the clear or at least that she’s going to enjoy me apologising. We talk about it some more and you know, I wasn’t spreading untruths, she has to admit she values brawn, not over brains, the skilled workers do have them and for all we know they all write profound plays, but she just doesn’t need the pedantry of Oxbridge men.
And we relax. But turns out she’s fallen out over the w/end with her best friend and I think I have S. to thank for having my faux pas pardoned. You can’t really shed too many g/friends in one week.

Anyway, it’s a good week for her, truly she can’t decide between electrician and bin man. One’s in London, one necessitates taking a train to see him but it’s her mum who put him forward in the first place and I’m inclined to think mum knows best. They have their special qualities (think both have children with ex partners so life won’t be simple) and both have the cheekiness that doesn’t come easy to boys who have spent too many hours in libraries….but crucially for her, their spirit is a good one. She can tell. I eat with extra pleasure as I feel the pressure lifting. At least it was not one of those texts that husbands intend for mistress and send to wife etc etc.