28 March - Advice nobody wants

Ok it had to happen. I finally told a friend who’s overweight and self pitying about the world giving different rewards to beautiful and ugly people (not a good thought to hold even if you think it’s true), that it was time to tackle her ten year old problem of going up from size 8 to 14/16, instead of letting it ruin her self-esteem. And that as it was only a stone, stone and a half max, it was not a huge obstacle, could be done in a couple of months starting with a detox and/or a holiday in Thailand and that I was on hand to help and support and use all the tricks in the book – no booze, no bread, exercise mate, but that she probably had to commit some money to herself for the trip/some one to one training, some good stuff like powerplate or bootcamp pilates or some quick psycho or hypno-therapy to tackle the root of the problem ie. comfort eating and those vicious cycles of staying in a rut and suffering from mild depression.

Of course I said it nicely, choosing my words to express caring, not judgement. At the end of the day ‘(it’s night’, says my friend S. when she hears this cliché’) I don’t care how my friend looks, she’s my friend and her weight doesn’t affect me, but it affects her happiness and ultimately her health, and I thought she deserves to be happy and it all starts with small steps blah blah. I have several other friends of various ages who are overweight, four spring to mind immediately, but because they don’t ever express that it makes them miserable in any way (except the odd moan about not finding good clothes) I have never thought of commenting at all.

What do you think happened? She hasn’t spoken to me in nearly 3 weeks. Am still waiting. And I’ll wait. Have considered ringing to say ‘Oh come on!’ but would make it worse no doubt. Someone pointed out that as friends we’re required mostly to just listen and nod. That may be so, but it’s not and never will be my way. Or rather it is, for long periods of time and then I think ‘Let’s do something’. Shame.

A little later, work colleague announces ‘I’m so disgusted with myself, can’t fit into my clothes, that’s it, I have to lose some weight, diet next week, gym every day’. The one next to her says ‘Great, my husband is away for 2 weeks and I want to detox, I need to lose 5kg’. So I feel I have to join in as this is said towards me and I say ‘Cool by me, I can do with having healthier stuff, I need to lose 1kg round my thighs, look how tight my trousers are on my legs today’. They look at me and say ‘You don’t need it, you’re so tiny’. But I know best than to accept and agree. That would seem self-satisfied and smug, so I continue ‘Shall I just buy us a lot of fruit and veg next week, we could eat half a grapefruit before lunch to speed metabolism and bulk up on vegetables….’ One interrupts and says ‘No, I can’t do it quite so full on, I will just cut out some stuff like chocolate’, the other one says 'I can only do veggies with humous dips'. Liker er... humus doesn't contain a ton of oil and fat. I let it pass. I think it’s best if from now on I re-act the well tested man’s way which is NEVER, EVER to say anything and ignore any issues to do with food /weight as I had to stop myself there as was about to say ‘If you’re not serious about it then what’s the point?? What do you mean you won’t eat veggies and fruit by the truckload, how do you think the fat’s going to dilute and exit your body? How do you think avoiding pasta if you still have beers after work is going to make any difference?' Cleary, am hopeless. Shall stick to the blog.