19th May - Bodies & Knowledge

What we know is how our bodies function. Some people are more attuned than others to those functions/variations on normal. Clearly if you complain about getting fatter and you don't make a link to the near bottle of wine you drink everyday, you're not in tune or in fact you're in deliberate denial. Me, am one of those who doesn't rush to doctors. Or .. didn't. For most of my life I never troubled my GP from one year to the next. Until something I left unchecked beause I thought it wasn't that bad, turned really bad indeed. But even with that scare, I still struggle to act fast. However, last year there was something that wasn't right and was diagnosed as more than boring acid reflux, live with it sort of thing. It was sorted. Then this year it was back but not quite the same. Though same meds prescribed. Still not quite gone but feels different. When it's not real pain but just uncomfortable, you feel sort of wasteful of resources but hey, you pay for them so you go. Because I pay for them via insurance and am not therefore brushable offable as friends on NHS, I'm sent for an expensive scan. Result. The actual results follow swiftly. The experts coach it in non-threatening language but am not fooled. A 1.5cm sort of shadow near pancreas to me spells something bad. More scan to follow. No panic yet, just jokes involving death planning or at least surgery. I am predicting scan will also be inconclusive (I have a history of non simple things when something goes wrong with me) and some kind of extraction for further study may be required... sigh...

But oh for the satisfaction of saying 'There, I knew there was something there'. Oh and also, to the no doubt legions of sceptics out there, my beloved acupuncturist of many years, who I usually visit just for overall well being, w/o prompting had said 'There's a blockage here' and pointed to the area in question. As I've always thought though, needles don't subsititute conventional surgery so ... let's see. At least one best friend's mother is top oncologist in the world and beloved emigre' surgeon ex, is due back in six weeks and will point to relevant pitfalls.

In the meantime the new sports massage therapist I've just tried, said 'you weren 't joking' when he laid hands on my knotty shoulders. I told him it's not handbags or chairs, it's sleeping with shoulders up to my ears in subconscious overall tenseness. The body knows....