6 December - tricks & splits

Alison’s pole dancing debut was a riot, well, in fact a charity fundraiser at the Embassy where professional dancers mixed with instructors and students. She acquitted herself well. Being half way through her Intermediate course she’s not able to make many upside down tricks, but she can climb the pole and do at least a couple of pretty poses up there. Sliding down still causes much friction though and her inner thighs were on fire. Her teacher Erin, queen of the hairflicks was on good form and sporting the most delicious Westwood inspired pole dancing shoes, black and pink, Minnie mouse style. Another instructor Nikki, had the most admired sheer black panties 40’s style. Enqiries revealed they were only £8 from a rock chick shop in Camden Lock. Girlfriends sorted! If I manage to give any away and not keep for myself. The familiar ruse I use to justify purchases. The world champion performed a very good routine which was however more to do with doing the splits slowly than with actual energetic tricks. Sort of Cirque du Soleil gymnast. The men may have liked that best but we girls admired the more challenging and sexually inviting moves of the other dancers.
We went along so we could wear glamorous outfits, otherwise known as slutty outfits, and sparkly false eyelashes. Let’s face it, no one we know has got married for a while and even if they did, they would refuse to have anything as tacky as a regular hen night so really, when can you wear platform heels and make lewd expressions? Plus the power of heels is not to be overlooked. Instant confidence. The evening was open to partners and friends, but Alison decided not to invite any of her men. We thought it was because she was worried they may just spend the evening ogling the younger, fitter, competition, but she rather sweetly said it’s because she wants to save her first dance for someone special. Aaahhh…We offered advice as to, er, pick wisely as it’s just possible that a bloke may find it a bit too much or rather love it, but think the old yet still current way ie. Pole dancer = not girlfriend material, if you flash your knickers at him. Ballet it is not. Now’s the time to wear reproduction sparkly Terry de Havilland platform shoes, D-Havz range – check Alison Goldfrapp’s stage attire, but sadly I have to say no. I cannot be so frivolous. But they are only £90 in Poste Mistress goddammit! No, no, cannot. Would that any admirer read this and mindful that I take a size 4, acted accordingly.
However no interesting men were present and we just watched and huddled. Miss G was with us and her current conundrum is whether to split up from boyfriend before or after Christmas. His sins are … he’s not good looking and a bit boring though he dotes on her. I’m for delaying. She’s better off partying from the position of being not desperately looking, but she counters that Christmas involves spending it in the middle of nowhere where his family lives in Northern Ireland. Mmmm, how about a row on the way there? She’s planning an Easter trip to Nashville and Texas to make one last ditch attempt and seek a handsome tall ranchero or one of that new breed of C&W singers who are very rock influenced and look good. I watched the C&W awards recently and that Keith Urban is nowhere as dull as Garth Brooks lookswise. I said I may well join her trip if we can go via Memphis too as I have someone there I wouldn’t mind visiting. Am sure he barely remembers an encounter back in February but…though we had too little time then, his style captivated me. Could be my first trashy boy from Tennessee. If he lived in a trailer that would be a fantasy ticked off.