15 February - Icecream & Elephant

But that was … a few days ago. Oh god, the ungratefulness of it all. A wonderful man cooks me Valentine supper, lights candles and has tidied up surroundings, has flowers on the table and I…get in a funk because we’re eating our ice cream and strawberries out of tall glasses and not… you know, licking it off each other. Then I get in a further funk because he spends too much time choosing what music to play, and discussing it – mmhm this is the Art Ensemble of Chicago… sexy. Not. Where’s my super sexy Primal Scream vintage compilation - and not enough kissing me and then, then we just go to bed and my parisian chocolate wrap sort of outfit fails to rouse him. I know he’s depressed and probably thinking of the previous 7 years valentines with same woman who’s sadly for him dumped him last year but, there aren’t that many allowances I can make for that. He should be so lucky another princess has walked into his life. Absolutely nothing worse than pent up sexual frustration for this hot blooded girl. And absolutely nothing worse than not acknowledging the elephant on the table. If we can’t communicate this early on… So of course I spend half the night composing a non hurtful, decent way to air my little grievance and alternate with stern reprimands to myself to keep my mouth shut like I successfully did last w/e. Which am this close to achieving until I return to bedroom in the morning to get dressed and yes, not great timing on my part. Something in the toothpaste clearly got me going. I’m wide awake but he’s not and we all know men don’t like the faintest hint of a lecture especially if we’re right. But it’s done and the elephant is no longer on the table. What can I say? I’m addicted to beginnings and I like them under blue skies, with endless possibilities and a high content of sheer joyfulness. It may be too much to ask for and nobody ever really gets rid of their baggage or elephants. OhwhathaveIdone.
The other bad thing about splitting up now is that am post menstrual and totally down to flat stomach, tauter skin and supreme flexibility. Such a shame to not have these ‘feeling good in my skin’ days exploited fully.