15 January - Depressing googling
Google stumped. Can’t find an ex or rather can find him, think it’s him though seems to have changed job description but it's in same industry so must be him, but no way of contacting. V. frustrating.
So I google this woman I met at a party before Xmas. It made me feeling like an under achiever talking to her. Valkyrian good looks (LA of course) and on the arm of most important man there who sweetly mentioned she was one of the most influential people in Hollywood. Left alone my opening line to her went something like this "Hope you didn't work on the film I just saw the other night which was a good 1 hour too long and despite great cast was just flat....."
"The Holiday? Yep, worked on that"
"Oh my god sorry... etc etc"
We then got on pretty well (well she sat down on a sofa arm and so I could look her in the eye) and she was a lovely mixture of wide eyed and 'normal'. When she then shared that she wanted to eventually open a knitting shop, I just saw the overworked and stressed executive who, like all, is dreaming of her escape.
Anyway, so I google her and find photos of her with some guy who works in US and is president of a big corporation and whose younger brother was a boss at some former establishment I had the pleasure of giving many hours of my life to. The younger bro of course never had it said that he only got the job because blah blah. Of course he was good, but so can we all be if we can always call Senior to say 'what would you do in these circumstance?'
So I suffer the recurrent thought 'But I worked in marketing, I was good, but I never made it to president, and I have similar friends who were better than me and equally still have no equity or shares in the companies where they work and WHERE did we all go wrong?'
This leads to the following email exchange.
Friend A:
My take on where I went wrong personally is :
1. wasn't cute enough
2. never did coke, therefore was never awake at 3am when the real business gets done
3. never fashionable enough
4. never sucked any corporate cock
5. back on #2, just never went to all the parties, got my face around
Of all the marketing/pr people i know who did well, they were all, quite frankly, party animals. Went to every single party possible. That's my theory and i am absolutley positively sticking to it!
My reply:
It is a good theory and I suscribe. However cute I may be, I'm not a 6 footer blonde goddess like our Miss x for example and I never did 2. and 4.
I think 2. plus alcohol or on its own was essential because it led to lowered barriers and hence to 4. which frankly in most cases, no one would have performed on such ugly monsters as were our bosses. Am not sure if 4. really was the clincher but bue one had to do it, even if not literally.
But how does that explain XXX and that other awful YYY in promotions who were themselves old and ugly women? They made it almost to the top but must have eaten shit at the prospect of never making it to Chairman?
Friend A:
XXX was exceptional - very very good at her job and just a complete and total ruthless bitch.
The other # 6 to that theory is that I didn't work like a man
XXX and probably YYY (is who you are thinking of), were both in the office 8am until 10pm - it's what broke up T and XXX in the end (though he told me it was because she got fat)
But i know it was that he hated being stuck with nanny and child at 8pm, 5 mins from her office, when she was there 'til 10pm.
It is a man's world and in our 40's it's a case of , for me, just accepting it. It's not good, we gals have made strides over the years but it's a mans world. The successful women do 12 hour days and would be horrified that I have an 'issue' with wanting to leave at 6pm. They did their jobs - and then some.
Either that or they looked like K who, at XXX, was a rubbish designer, but got some of the good gigs because she did the drugs, went to all the parties ALL night and looks like she looks.
I'm not bitter about it as for me it's wasted energy but it's more a philosophical: I am not particularly stunning (though I do believe I have my moments!), and whilst I would say that I am in fact smart, I am not willing to sacrifice life outside of work for work. And even if, for me, 'life' means just a damn solid 8 hours of sleep at night and no work at the weekends and in bed at 9pm with a good book... I'll take it. Gladly!
My reply:
Ahhhh, that explains it. The 12 hour days were never my thing. Called it off at 9 or 10 occasionally. Thanks for explaining.
Ps.... are we bad for, post 2000, post years and years of feminism to still believe you only have a chance if your face fits? And some bloke decides not to obstruct you? or bucks the trend and mentores a female who doesn't remind him of himself when he was that age? Does this sort of debating go anywhere?
So I google this woman I met at a party before Xmas. It made me feeling like an under achiever talking to her. Valkyrian good looks (LA of course) and on the arm of most important man there who sweetly mentioned she was one of the most influential people in Hollywood. Left alone my opening line to her went something like this "Hope you didn't work on the film I just saw the other night which was a good 1 hour too long and despite great cast was just flat....."
"The Holiday? Yep, worked on that"
"Oh my god sorry... etc etc"
We then got on pretty well (well she sat down on a sofa arm and so I could look her in the eye) and she was a lovely mixture of wide eyed and 'normal'. When she then shared that she wanted to eventually open a knitting shop, I just saw the overworked and stressed executive who, like all, is dreaming of her escape.
Anyway, so I google her and find photos of her with some guy who works in US and is president of a big corporation and whose younger brother was a boss at some former establishment I had the pleasure of giving many hours of my life to. The younger bro of course never had it said that he only got the job because blah blah. Of course he was good, but so can we all be if we can always call Senior to say 'what would you do in these circumstance?'
So I suffer the recurrent thought 'But I worked in marketing, I was good, but I never made it to president, and I have similar friends who were better than me and equally still have no equity or shares in the companies where they work and WHERE did we all go wrong?'
This leads to the following email exchange.
Friend A:
My take on where I went wrong personally is :
1. wasn't cute enough
2. never did coke, therefore was never awake at 3am when the real business gets done
3. never fashionable enough
4. never sucked any corporate cock
5. back on #2, just never went to all the parties, got my face around
Of all the marketing/pr people i know who did well, they were all, quite frankly, party animals. Went to every single party possible. That's my theory and i am absolutley positively sticking to it!
My reply:
It is a good theory and I suscribe. However cute I may be, I'm not a 6 footer blonde goddess like our Miss x for example and I never did 2. and 4.
I think 2. plus alcohol or on its own was essential because it led to lowered barriers and hence to 4. which frankly in most cases, no one would have performed on such ugly monsters as were our bosses. Am not sure if 4. really was the clincher but bue one had to do it, even if not literally.
But how does that explain XXX and that other awful YYY in promotions who were themselves old and ugly women? They made it almost to the top but must have eaten shit at the prospect of never making it to Chairman?
Friend A:
XXX was exceptional - very very good at her job and just a complete and total ruthless bitch.
The other # 6 to that theory is that I didn't work like a man
XXX and probably YYY (is who you are thinking of), were both in the office 8am until 10pm - it's what broke up T and XXX in the end (though he told me it was because she got fat)
But i know it was that he hated being stuck with nanny and child at 8pm, 5 mins from her office, when she was there 'til 10pm.
It is a man's world and in our 40's it's a case of , for me, just accepting it. It's not good, we gals have made strides over the years but it's a mans world. The successful women do 12 hour days and would be horrified that I have an 'issue' with wanting to leave at 6pm. They did their jobs - and then some.
Either that or they looked like K who, at XXX, was a rubbish designer, but got some of the good gigs because she did the drugs, went to all the parties ALL night and looks like she looks.
I'm not bitter about it as for me it's wasted energy but it's more a philosophical: I am not particularly stunning (though I do believe I have my moments!), and whilst I would say that I am in fact smart, I am not willing to sacrifice life outside of work for work. And even if, for me, 'life' means just a damn solid 8 hours of sleep at night and no work at the weekends and in bed at 9pm with a good book... I'll take it. Gladly!
My reply:
Ahhhh, that explains it. The 12 hour days were never my thing. Called it off at 9 or 10 occasionally. Thanks for explaining.
Ps.... are we bad for, post 2000, post years and years of feminism to still believe you only have a chance if your face fits? And some bloke decides not to obstruct you? or bucks the trend and mentores a female who doesn't remind him of himself when he was that age? Does this sort of debating go anywhere?
posted by Lisa Taylor @ 7:16 AM
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