28 March - Car boots & sex toys

A friend wants to do a car boot. Well, they are fascinating insights into another reality and at the very least are a reality check where you count yourself lucky you’re not a just arrived immigrant who needs to haggle you down to 20p for a used Dyson hoover. Or maybe they’re just crafty businessmen and don’t need my patronising. Ten Dysons bought at a fiver each and hey presto, resold at £40. That's a better paid day than I do.

Am considering it, I do have rubbish to clear out but more than household stuff I’d like to get some money for the sex toys I’ve accrued and would like to upgrade. It feels sinful to buy more when so many lie dormant. But the car boot is not a suitable shop window. Surely there’s a website where you can get rid of these things? Make me an offer. I could swap with the girlfriends you say, and yes it’s all plastic and washable and washed, I never put it away without serious soap and hot water, but I just want rid of half of it, not to acquire more… of theirs. I never had a rabbit and am not going to start now, but Shh!! have some items that definitely make me curious.

Anyone want a never used strap on? Well, not by me at any rate... the boys say the want it and then they get scared. Life is clearly not the porn video they have running in their heads. Or some incredibly large dildo? - bought by someone who clearly didn't worry about the competition - I had to say 'have not given birth 5 times yet, it's ... too big'. Drop me a line.