26 March - The Actor & The phone & someone called Neil
We can’t avoid the celebrity trail on this blog. It’s not my fault but… the other day DD. Found a lost mobile phone on the street. She took it into work and as it was not a Nokia like hers it took her a while to crack how to read the contacts. She’s 46 and my techie guru for all things downloading but sadly we’re foxed by things that would take a 9 year old 5 mins to do (in fact, to digress, a friend’s 9 year old recently played with my phone whilst I was at dinner with her mum and jazzed it up, sent me photos, changed settings and so on. Staggering knowledge I thought till I asked her what the capital of France was and she wasn’t sure). As DD. was scrolling down the list of names to get to D for Dad and call, she found under C a Chiwetel Ejiofor …. None other than the gorgeous actor who played Trigorin opposite Kristin Scott Thomas in The Seagull which I saw a mere month ago. So she called him instead of Dad. Chiwetel answered with his incredibly sexy actor’s voice and suggested he’d go and pick up the phone in Chelsea where she was and then deliver to his friend. Cue: DD in make up and heels going to reception to find handsomest, tall man leafing through one of the downmarket magazines her employer publishes. And we mean ‘My mother run off with my alcoholic dwarf husband and now they have children whilst mine have been taken into care but am still hoping to have my double DD implants and thus become a top model like Jordan and move away from crap council estate in burbs’ kind of mag. Though let’s not scoff. Someone tried to do that recently but then he asked ‘What’s the circulation?’ Upon being told that it’s a few thousands short of 500k he almost spat out his V&T, whilst DD. smiled sweetly.
Sadly, Chiwetel didn’t ask her our for dinner but the loser of the phone subsequently sent her a huge bunch of flowers. They are a good lot these actors. However, DD. clearly needs some advice to improve ligging skills. She could have asked for tickets for some performance or actually scrolled down the entire address book, who knows who might have been there? But she didn’t, the silly girl.
As my 3 or 4 or 5 degrees must be kept up, Chiwetel first came to attention on stage in Joe Penhall’s play Blue/Orange in 2000. Now, I think a brief lover of mine was in this play, I think I saw it for that reason but can’t remember at all. Maybe he was in something else? Neil. Neil.. what was his surname? We met when you were a bartender at Freds in the legendary late 80’s and I went to see you in your end of year production of either a Chekhov or an Ibsen up in Swiss Cottage. And I’ve seen you on TV a few times since and the last time we spoke you had taken to sending me kinky messages late at night but when I challenged you to just come on over, you mentioned you were downstairs in your study whilst wife was upstairs sleeping so I sort of put the phone down on you and that was the end of that one…(the wife was a surprise).
His surname will probably come to me in the next few days, the wheels are that slow these days, but in the meantime it’s triggered memories of running into some London people one NYE in Venezuela in Isla Margarita to be precise. The link being this would have been same time I knew Neil. So, am there with my sister and a new group of friends and suddenly next to me is John (know him as kid brother of girlfriend) and his sidekick Matthew. At the time one was a lawyer, the other one in TV production. We then hung out together and it was fun, including the boys using me and innocent kid sister as stooges in a bar where they were hoping to buy some cocaine. John’s refrain was ‘I can’t believe we can’t get any in this country’. Clearly he had made a mistake in not booking a holiday in Bolivia instead. Come to think of it, at the time he had a South American girlfriend but she was not from Venezuela or she’d have been there and procured the hoodlums and their wares. Mystery. So. Never mind that in Venezuela they had something akin to the death penalty for drug offences, he was intent on buying cocaine as in London he was totally addicted and the rest, this was a man on 20 E’s a night. I remember the both of them going into the toilet to taste/check the purchase whilst me and sis sipped our drinks waiting for the police to burst through. Having already been on holiday in Jamaica I was well acquainted with the strategy of setting up tourists to buy something for which they could be arrested, pay blackmail money whilst the same amount of drugs went back to get the next stupid tourist and no, it didn’t happen to me. Luckily as gangster’s molls nothing happened to me and sis, though wouldn’t have shagged either on account of a) ugly, especially M who had none of J’ s charm and b) younger than me by 5/6 years. You know, when you’re 29 you can’t do that with a 24 year old. So, a few days later the amount purchased had been consumed, and John was going stir crazy and writing with a stick in the sand in giant letters, ‘I want cocaine’ (hoping a passing small plane may see it and drop him a red cross parcel) with me busy following him around and erasing such heresy from the pristine beach.
Thing is... when they tell you drugs are bad for you, it’s not necessarily true. Jonh had a great time on them and has never not had a fantastic high powered job and he’s still healthy and proud father of small daughter, whilst M is now some movie producer. Ok, it’s the UK so you’ve not seen these movies but there’s one in production that may just be the one to sort him out. On a more spooky small world connection, his wife or g/friend is best friend of my beloved’s ex. Just as well have not kept in touch with that particular mob or a Sunday lunch could be awkward. So, Neil, still can’t think of the surname whilst J and M’s came to mind instantly. Funny how the brain works.
Sadly, Chiwetel didn’t ask her our for dinner but the loser of the phone subsequently sent her a huge bunch of flowers. They are a good lot these actors. However, DD. clearly needs some advice to improve ligging skills. She could have asked for tickets for some performance or actually scrolled down the entire address book, who knows who might have been there? But she didn’t, the silly girl.
As my 3 or 4 or 5 degrees must be kept up, Chiwetel first came to attention on stage in Joe Penhall’s play Blue/Orange in 2000. Now, I think a brief lover of mine was in this play, I think I saw it for that reason but can’t remember at all. Maybe he was in something else? Neil. Neil.. what was his surname? We met when you were a bartender at Freds in the legendary late 80’s and I went to see you in your end of year production of either a Chekhov or an Ibsen up in Swiss Cottage. And I’ve seen you on TV a few times since and the last time we spoke you had taken to sending me kinky messages late at night but when I challenged you to just come on over, you mentioned you were downstairs in your study whilst wife was upstairs sleeping so I sort of put the phone down on you and that was the end of that one…(the wife was a surprise).
His surname will probably come to me in the next few days, the wheels are that slow these days, but in the meantime it’s triggered memories of running into some London people one NYE in Venezuela in Isla Margarita to be precise. The link being this would have been same time I knew Neil. So, am there with my sister and a new group of friends and suddenly next to me is John (know him as kid brother of girlfriend) and his sidekick Matthew. At the time one was a lawyer, the other one in TV production. We then hung out together and it was fun, including the boys using me and innocent kid sister as stooges in a bar where they were hoping to buy some cocaine. John’s refrain was ‘I can’t believe we can’t get any in this country’. Clearly he had made a mistake in not booking a holiday in Bolivia instead. Come to think of it, at the time he had a South American girlfriend but she was not from Venezuela or she’d have been there and procured the hoodlums and their wares. Mystery. So. Never mind that in Venezuela they had something akin to the death penalty for drug offences, he was intent on buying cocaine as in London he was totally addicted and the rest, this was a man on 20 E’s a night. I remember the both of them going into the toilet to taste/check the purchase whilst me and sis sipped our drinks waiting for the police to burst through. Having already been on holiday in Jamaica I was well acquainted with the strategy of setting up tourists to buy something for which they could be arrested, pay blackmail money whilst the same amount of drugs went back to get the next stupid tourist and no, it didn’t happen to me. Luckily as gangster’s molls nothing happened to me and sis, though wouldn’t have shagged either on account of a) ugly, especially M who had none of J’ s charm and b) younger than me by 5/6 years. You know, when you’re 29 you can’t do that with a 24 year old. So, a few days later the amount purchased had been consumed, and John was going stir crazy and writing with a stick in the sand in giant letters, ‘I want cocaine’ (hoping a passing small plane may see it and drop him a red cross parcel) with me busy following him around and erasing such heresy from the pristine beach.
Thing is... when they tell you drugs are bad for you, it’s not necessarily true. Jonh had a great time on them and has never not had a fantastic high powered job and he’s still healthy and proud father of small daughter, whilst M is now some movie producer. Ok, it’s the UK so you’ve not seen these movies but there’s one in production that may just be the one to sort him out. On a more spooky small world connection, his wife or g/friend is best friend of my beloved’s ex. Just as well have not kept in touch with that particular mob or a Sunday lunch could be awkward. So, Neil, still can’t think of the surname whilst J and M’s came to mind instantly. Funny how the brain works.
posted by Lisa Taylor @ 6:55 AM
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