30 October - I abandon Rufus

This could be many things, not just getting old, but one aspect of ageing, is that your enthusiasm for new things is, if not short lived, at least contained. By which I mean we don’t fall in love with a book anymore and want to devour everything by the same author (in the case of that universally beloved book we all read at 18 or so, Catcher in the Rye, we could be waiting a long time for new instalments) or a designer and want all his shoes and handbags, or a musician and go to 15 out of 18 dates on a tour and so on. I only discovered the fantastic Rufus Wainwright 4 or 5 years ago (an ex loved him), and it took to last year or year before to finally make it to a show. A very satisfying show and I bought my own ticket which is saying something given that there has been a habit forming guestlist addiction for the past 25 years or so. But, I will never love Rufus as much as … I loved David Bowie for example. So, last Sunday, a friend had a spare ticket for a the Songs of the Plagues show at the Barbican (Rufus was to be the highlight) and I said no. Well, I was at a birthday lunch most of the day, on the other side of London. Birthday boy is my boy… I kind of wanted to end the night with him and also… be together at 10.30 to face the void that the last episode of the Sopranos would leave in our lives.

But today… when a friend texts at 8.30am that she has a spare ticket for Rufus at the Hammersmith Apollo tonight and I reply that I have half a plan to be on a pub quiz team later on and uh ho.. I don’t want to let them down (who??? I barely know them and no, a smart pub quiz is not the highlight of my week), I have to consider that is it lazy-ness? No, I haven’t even asked if they’re standing or seated tickets (for Rufus am assuming it’s seated). Is it that I don’t love Rufus enough to see him one more time, for free? With a friend I love? Is it winter? Is it the body pump class from yesterday that’s making my legs ache when I go down the stairs? Not sure… But it’s ultimately age. I have seen him, I know what to expect, I will not seek to fall in love with him (fat chance considering his gayness) or with another audience member equally obsessed and therefore destined to be my cosmic twin forever. I'm not 18. I wish. It’s a case of been there done that doctor, much in the same way I would not go and see the same play twice in the same run even if I like Patrick Marber. But, but … twenty years ago I would not have had enough, I’d have wanted more…
Is this what happens then when I ask my father to go to Venice and he says he can’t be bothered? Seen it all before/what else is new, has it sunk yet?

In fact, to add to this, last night I watched some of the Electric Proms on TV. I was pretty relieved I had not trekked to a show. The guy from Sigur Ros was even more boring now that it was just him and a guitar, The Editors were doing their highly strung sub Joy Division thing, The Kaiser Chiefs were their usual upbeat, and this guy David Arnold I quite liked as I had never come across him. When it got to Paul McCartney… I happily switched off. I just couldn’t see what they were offering as a) unique to the occasion (what? Adding a few strings here and there?) b) er…
Maybe it’s a phase. Hope it passes.