30 December - Party sum up

There have been precious few this year or I've forgotten them (should I re-read my blog? Honestly, can't remember much, perhaps not extravagant or amazing... ?.

I'd like to know for example if the people who are photographed in Tatler or Harpers etc having a wild time in fully catered/decked out venues etc are really having that much fun or if it's just a matter of smiling when the photo is taken and so it looks like collectively it was incredible. I mean, if you look at photos of my work do, you'd think the same. It was lavish enough and had a theme (Bond.... not so cutting edge heh?) and there were people sucking vodka shots our of some phallic ice sculpture (I'm never drunk enough to be in the pictures that's for sure) and there was a band and there was a karaoke room and there were hundreds of well dressed people but was it fun? No... The only fun I had was trying to put in a word for two colleagues who like each other but both have partners. Yes, my mischief is vicarious these days. And no they didn't and before the year is over he's spent £4k at Tiffany and bought the official g/friend a ring. Anyway.. yes, I was in a taxi by 11pm and that says it all. Can it really all be so boring?

Then there was the house party where champagne was flowing, every one had complied with the Xmas theme and arrived beautifully togged as santas helpers, reindeers, santas, santas wives etc etc. but... the host had over-invited the females (he's single) and the females usually bring a friend so there really were many and that meant that all these women realised that there simply weren't enough boys there to go round and instead of making a move on the charming host - too much competition after all - they all left in droves before midnight - in order to hurry up to other parties perhaps, time was running out on finding a lovely man for the holidays and suddenly after midnight there were only a few of us left. Three or four couples and one of them had met on the Guardian dating pages and the lady looked like she was not that committed but still looking and a couple of singles including the host and a not clear about his status friend who's semi split up but probably going back to the girlfriend as he's failing to draw any new ones despite the large amount on offer at this party ... this is one of my longest sentences ever, am quite proud of it so will leave it here as is.

Sooooo... it was at this point in the evening that I sat down next to a tall bloke a decade younger than myself at least and I'd not noticed him before at all and I took my reindeer horns off and first put them on his head and then took them off and started stroking them. He said 'Oh please don't do that...' in the manner of a man about to start a little tumescening.. and so of course I did and found it took 20 seconds to go back to old flirting habits. God I miss them. I'm so good at them. I even flirt with girls all the time. He had the softest grey cashmere jumper on and just touching it gave me the same er.. tumescence. Of course I felt very guilty about my beloved dancing a few feet away from me. He did clock the situation but is far too well mannered to stom over and make a scene. Tall bloke noticed Toph noticing us cosy on the sofa, so I had to claim ownership of Toph. So tall bloke said he also had a girlfriend. Ah well, that settles it then. We let out a sigh that left no doubt as to what we were thinking. But no, you can't just do these things. By this point I knew where he works and well, I've left it well alone and it's been at least ten days. Wonder if he's thinking about me? Wonder if there was a way to just er.. be exhonerated for a night, for some good old fashioned NSA. But there isn't is there?

So, there was also another party well into expensive suburb land (Wimbledon) . I ate a lot as I find those very boring. Either you know these people and see them regularly or they're just some guy who your BF worked with or went to uni with and really their life has nothing in common with yours what with their kids serving the canapes and the wife (and husband) looking like your parents now. But he is writing a very interesting book based on some letters he discovered by a lover of M. Flaubert (too long a story to tell you but it's all for real and I must re-read Mme Bovary. I loved it at some point and I was just 18 then so god knows what I'll make of it now).
Well, I don't remember a single name from this party and I hope I don't have to go next year. Surely I must be able to meet even some loathsome person like Liz Hurley and at least to some decent location? Oh but that contradicts what I said at the top of this post. Ok forget it. No more parties for me. It's either boring or .. potential trouble. No half ways....