20 April - Pimping for friends

I have been pimping for a friend lately, because I’m reasonably good at it. G. and g/friend split up around Xmas and it had been a long time coming, basic incompatibility I diagnosed, despite strong mutual attraction As it took a while, when it ended, he wasn’t exactly heartbroken. In the meantime he had met a woman through work and they’d gone to dinner a few times in a town where they both find themselves working, she during the whole week, he a couple of days a week, not every week. He was smitten, though it took this lady two meetings before she disclosed she has a boyfriend of 15 years back at her hometown. Sort of historic boyfriend who never visits her where she works and probably doesn’t understand her anymore and who has yet to marry her and she wants to leave him but….

So, of course she’s unavailable and of course he’s smitten. I point out that they only seem to meet at drinks or dinner and it’s kind of hard to get a full picture in the cosy limbo of expensive restaurants. They like each other because they can talk and talk and he buys her dinner but they don’t know much about each other really. I suspect they’re both lonely in the city they have to work in and provide a great respite from tiny flat for her and hotel room for him. Still, after 3 months of dinners, drinks, constant texts and emails declaring ‘you’ve changed my life, you’re my god’ and gifts from him to her, she’s still not gone further than some taxi snogs with him.

I think she’s treating him like the gay friend and she’s the one who goes home at the w/end and shags her boyfriend who she wants to leave but .. blah blah.
Eventually he reaches the point and gives an ultimatum and decides not to be in touch with her until she’ll have sorted out her situation one way or another. I predict she’ll stay with boyfriend. In the meantime he’s truly upset. For something that never happened! This must be like what courtly love was all about… Courting and hopes…

So time to take action and distract G. At a party in London I introduce him to J. who’s a high flying PA to movie directors and jets off to NY and LA often enough. I don’t know her at all (friend of a friend) but he likes the look of her and so they arrange to meet. I predict second base will be reached in no time but I forgot she’s 35 and so she’s also playing the long game and in order to do this, there’s no concessions except some minor snogging and once again he’s busy dropping hundreds on dinners and cocktails. J. sweetly buys breakfasts at the w/end but .. not post sex obviously. And after the breakfasts she’s off to Harrods for a massage in her cute BMW and he has nothing to do but read the Sunday papers with us. He finds himself invited to some wedding with her in Portugal, or to NY where she stays at the St Regis or to the forthcoming wrap party for latest movie. Clearly he’s interested and intrigued but his mind is still on the unavailable one… and was considering J. only as a one off, whilst now he’s being sucked into a relationship that hasn’t gone sexual yet.

In the meantime he’s being told off by a female director in his company who he’s close to because she says that J. is not blue chip career enough for G!. How dare she criticise my r ‘n’ roll acquaintances? I think she’s jealous. And she’s just moved out of her boyfriend’s flat. Another 35ish… Scary times.

Time for more distractions … this time I take him to dinner with a hedge fund lawyer I think he’ll like the look of if not the lifestyle (she’s very extra sporty and he doesn’t do sports, she’s very intense and he’s very laid back, but you know, am hoping chemistry will do the trick.)

However at dinner it’s clear that they’re not in a hurry to speak to one another. They’re not sat opposite each other. Darn, I didn’t manoeuvre that fast enough. He talks most dinner to A. who’s opposite him but she’s recently hitched up so I doubt she’s interested. At the tail end of dinner this other woman L. who I don’t know but is some kind of consultant/accountant friend of A. turns up and boy does she wades straight in. As a confident 37 year old she probably thinks that she has no allegiance to the other woman who invited her along…She ends up monopolysing him the rest of the time at the bar and then they disappear off to a club from which he returns alone at 3am. Snogging took place again but no deal.

Now, am beginning to suspect he doesn’t know how to close a deal, or is a very bad snogger or… he’s still thinking about unavailable woman, to really take a step in another direction.

Which will it be? He’s back again next weekend and this time he’s going to tell J. he has nowhere to stay and let’s see if she finally takes him home? As for the wedding in Portugal, I’ve advised he should go only if guaranteed that there will be top glamorous/interesting people in attendance, otherwise, why bother. Have become very straightforward with my advice these days.


But then I get a pang of guilt about the women.. Little do they know how many he’s juggling… but of course he’s not doing anything wrong. All is up for grabs and he’s not getting laid.