8 December - pleasure instruments & markings

What’s a girl to do if she’s said goodbye to Dear John and is not sure about Toph yet? Well, here’s a suggestion given to me by Julia who recently took a day off to experience the following. Let’s point out she’s not a shrinking violet when it comes to sex, but having experimented with a variety of scenarios always on an amateur level, she really wanted to find out how a connoisseur would do a few things like spanking, caning, enemas, electro sex etc. So she booked this guy via the internet, met him for a lunchtime drink, practically interviewed him, set the agenda and agreed to book a hotel for a week hence. He, Lawrence, a tall fifty-something, was clearly delighted to have found someone who required no cajoling or convincing. He kept telling her she would be safe, he wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want him to, that he was married, happily but his vanilla sex life was different from the bds one (not sure got the acronym right, bondage/domination/sex perhaps?) Julia who’s very much a no-nonsense sort of person just thought ‘Gosh get on with it’ and had to constantly reign in his tendency to waffle on. He clearly was getting excited by his own descriptions of the delights he had in mind, and as he had a reasonably loud voice and didn’t seem to worry about who was listening, a few people probably had to hiccup into their beer or wine.
To cut a long story short Julia declared she just wanted a massive vaginal orgasm, as for the clitoris ones she was doing very well thank you very much. Lawrence vowed to supply several and promised she would be ‘gushing’ and not just verbally. By this point I was getting interested in the tale, thinking ‘must get his number, sounds good!’ In the preceding days he sent Julia various jpgs of tantalising images, little treatises on caning and the rest, a satisfied testimonial and suggestions as to what to take with, you know: aloevera to soothe wealds, a certain type of lubricant she should purchase from a shop on the Holloway Rd, please to book a smoking room so they could light candles and so on. He did assure her that any marks would disappear in a day or two. Just as well as they are pretty unmistakeable. As for looks, he was tall, fifty something, spoke in a breathy sort of voice and was more than a little camp. As he assured Julia he wouldn’t fuck her unless she wanted to, nor kiss her, she came to the conclusion he was getting his kicks out of having a submissive partner and dressing the set so to speak, and that it was more than likely he had a small penis, or problems getting erections. Anticipating the end of the story she told me ‘How right I was’.
They met at 10.30, chatted for a bit as he took out from his case and displayed a veritable armoury of items he’d brought with. As their room was facing one of the lifts on their floor, Julia asked to have the TV on so any noise could be covered. She didn’t fancy wearing a gag. He said she had the perfect bottom for the task as it had a lovely curve that he hadn’t seen when they’d met and she was dressed. He also appreciated the casefulI of lingerie she came armed with, though as usual one ends up staying in just one outfit. I’m going to abridge a lot of the tale here… He started with spanking, followed by an enema, followed by caning, followed by tying her up spreadeagled to the bed and applying some chilli flavoured ointment, followed by tantric yoni massage and vaginal fisting followed by electrodes powered dildos. She said no to nipple clamps, no to anything gynecological and no to a little instrument like a cake or pizza cutter which was not too bad over her skin – it didn’t cut at all, but definitely felt bizarre on her mons and no to having anything up her ass, the enema pump had been enough for the day (as she’d had colonic irrigation before this was not a great surprise but the colonic people don’t use a cannule that can be pumped once inside the rectum so as to block it, which in turn makes one want to expel it and therein lies the pleasure – apparently. Unfortunately the electrodes /dildo didn’t work on account of her vagina being over filled with acqueous cream that Lawrence had used liberally in order to fist her. He was bit worried by some sort of common muscle reflex that means that sometimes it’s hard or er…very hard to get his hand out as the vagina clamps shut around it. Nobody fancies calling the paramedics with this kind of complaint do they? Unfortunately the promised vaginal orgasm explosion did not materialise even with the help of poppers. Julia says her head just wasn’t engaging as every time she opened her eyes, or even if she didn’t, she had a pretty good mind’s eye picture of Lawrence and he just wasn’t attractive to her. He looked like an old guy methodically and scientifically working through his equipment and he had a penis the size of a peanut and it never got hard. Not that she wanted it to. It made her think of all those various Indian gurus offering tantric sex which they may well be able to provide but they always look like .. ugly older guys with long hair and a beard. Never like some hot young surfer dude. And she didn’t like his voice either. He wanted to keep going as he had some personal quality standard to match, kept regaling her with stories of other women for whom he did this, achieved that, but a woman knows when it’s just not going to happen or rather it has and it’s nothing to shout from the rooftops so she said they should call it a day. They started packing it all away at 3.30pm after having had a break at 1pm for … sandwiches and juice. He let her chose which she liked first. A gentleman. Surely Cynthia Payne now made a lot of sense. It must have been like this for guys. You practically can do what you want, but is it worth it? A glass of wine and a coffee later they were chatting in the bar about all his other satisfied – apparently – ladies friends. Amongst which are a variety of City hot shots, a diplomat and so on, some married, some not. He only deals with women above a certain age as young ones require too much reassurance and coaxing and he doesn’t want to feel he’s coercing anyone. They shared the hotel bill so that was a £50 well spent as just buying some of the items he provided would have cost a lot more. Mindful that Julia hadn’t exactly got to where she wanted, he said that next time it would be better as now that they knew each other, it would be more relaxed. But she was very relaxed in any case. She got home at 5ish and had a good old finger session. Am surprised she had the energy, but she said she’d have liked to just pull someone on the train and take him home finish the job properly. The caning wealds were lovely though, very precise, four of them. She couldn’t show me as we met a few days after the event and they had indeed disappeared, but she said that now at least she knows how that should be done, none of those messy hand prints or marks that novices leave on your ass cheeks. Oh and you should never stray from that area either. And she did confirm the sting was exquisite.

Darn. On this evidence I’m not sure I fancy a session with Lawrence. Back to the drawing board and some old fashioned no frills sex.