15 May - George Michael & Tedium

A friend was possibly and reluctantly going to film a documentary on George Michael, till his interview with the sorry excuse for a production company that was going to commission this was cancelled because a) there’s no time or b) the broadcaster has changed their mind or c) they’ve realised that there’s nothing new to say when even a South Bank Show a few months ago struggled to tell us anything new apart from the fact that GM is a very happy and unrepentant dope smoker. Yes I did watch it, in that sort of smell your own s hit form of disbelief. Actually what the production company said was that they hadn’t really thought it through properly yet. Because of course thinking about it before calling in directors is the wrong way round these days. Uhm, well, it wouldn’t be ready in time for GM’s gig at new Wembley so a bit irrelevant in any case.

My friend is not upset, he, correctly thinks that accepting to do GM today may well lead to doing Phil Collins for VH1 would be next and these are just PR fluff pieces which cannot be exposing anything new. I suggest that from now on when a subject doesn’t offer much opportunity for dramatic storytelling, we should create some. In GM’s case my plot was ‘you go film the interview, then leave a window open, I organise a burglary during which GM’s prized art collection is stolen (has he got one? I have to presume so) and he cannot go to the police and tell them what happened as he was asleep in a dope stupor (once again) when it happened and you just happen to turn up the following day for the official interview and he's kicking and screaming'. Or we start with filming the entering of the premises and him asleep and so on, a bit like when Courtney Love starts a sentence she can’t finish whilst in the studio and promptly falls flat on her face and snores. Can’t remember who filmed it or what it was for. Hardly riveting TV but at least it made me laugh.

But uh no, yeah, hardly a bright idea. Not one of my best. Scrap that. Can’t go to prison for George Michael, that would be very stupid. Maybe we should film GM having Sunday lunch with the Greek family? (he’s going back to being as ugly and fat as his cousins who are probably taxi drivers and I defy any straight or gay person to fancy him if we dress him up as greek fisherman) and dancing along to folk tunes and spending the week in his tracksuit… Ok, I’m still not getting anywhere with this. It’s official, nobody should ever make a programme on him again.