21 July - Problems I have

Uhm, an interesting dilemma. I accidentally found out something about the BF that he would be pretty ashamed of… so, he’s in the doghouse. Except that he’s away for another ten days, so I have to wait till he returns to consign him to said doghouse. It’s kind of not fair to have arguments with people over the phone and email when they are in fact away working. It would seriously mess with their concentration, then again men can easily put things in boxes /drawers as all women know and deal with them later. I don’t think my emails get read past paragraph 3 for example and yes I know because I deliberately put red herrings in there towards the last few lines – example: ‘on Saturday will be at casting session to choose my leading man for forthcoming porn video, I hope it’s Rocco Siffredi’ and he doesn’t rise to it.

Right now am favouring replacing what I found with the version I’ve updated all over with acerbic comments - I don’t do angry, or rather as a sign of maturity finally achieved (in part) in my 40’s, I don’t go from nought to 60 in 2 seconds, but wait a little longer to ignite. However, it is something I didn’t think he had in him, and I don’t think he’s had time to act on it as he forgot his precious research behind. Then again, with a few clicks of the internet he can find it all again but still. It’s adorable when they’re away and they tell you they’re so shattered and all they have time to in the evening is sleep…. And you find the escorts website and numbers carefully copied. There’s about a dozen, all current. I rang some to check, as you do. Prices are a bit steep but the dollar is weak so it’s feasible. Am especially pissed off about the choice of girls. All names and some websites are of other creeds and colours and none of course would declare to be above 24 years old. Frankly one could argue he’d only shag a proz of a different kind thereby keeping it well separate from the memory of his beloved’s shape, age and looks but I think the more plausible explanation is the one which first springs to mind: he wants to shag a 6ft tall Naomi Campbell lookalike or… er.. some Japanese girlie. Can’t work out the spread of interest here… What’s wrong with Swedish girls? Admittedly in real life attracting the Naomi is not easy for a person of his description, but the Jap girls should be. You make them giggle, show some interest and it’s there. Apologies of course for offending Japanese readers. Ok, maybe it takes time though…

What was I thinking? With all the accumulated knowledge I have on the male species, which is well supplemented by girlfriends’ stories, did I really think I had found the only one who’s not going to behave like the 90% majority? Uh, ho, well sort of yes as had been watching/actively seeking signs to prove the universal theories I buy into, but so far had not seen any. But a year and a half in is probably the time to stop showing our best side. Mind you, he still is showing the best side, and in fact reacted with indignation ‘I don’t do that!’ when I made a joke about girls to take up to his room, he just doesn’t yet know that I know. Am in two minds… on the one hand the best course of action is to pretend I didn’t stumble on the misdeed – which no doubt he’d deny has taken place but ha ha, for Catholics remember there is the sin of intention and this is pretty proven. On the other hand, a good old argument is always a good way forward. You air one grievance, many more follow and we’re all wiser. Wish I didn’t have ten days to sit on this and wish first day back wasn’t day of great event in the evening which would be spoilt if I decide to confront him. Plus I will not have had sex for 2 and a half weeks and that would be out of the window if I have to slam doors. Darn! What to do? Oh and at least it wasn’t MALE escorts.