10 October - Cuts & Slices

Why would there be an ad for a safe slicing device/object in one of the papers I read? And why does that catch my eye for the first time now? I presume these kind of ads have been there forever and a day. I understand that it’s not for people like me who don’t like fine slicing of vegetables, mine are always cubed or cut in thick slices, oh yes even the onions and the garlic, and the parsley gets used in bunches almost. Because essentially I don’t trust that I wouldn’t cut a finger (plus I prefer crunchy to smooth... peanut butter for example and jams with pieces of fruit left in). And should I watch cookery programmes (I do not), I’d have to look away when the chef does the obligatory faster than anything chopping of herbs by holding them down with four fingers close to the edge of the knife. I don’t even like using those half moon shaped implements, see I don’t even knot what they’re called.

But I realise now that the ‘machine’ advertised is for old people who start to get not very mobile or careful when their joints start to stiffen. This can be added to the growing list of things that figure in my head only as a result of the passage of time. I’d hope I’m years away from needing one of these or indeed anything else that makes life easier for an old person, you know, bags with wheels, things that help you prize open jars and so on but the scales are tipping forward. I will now be more likely to notice those things than, say, er, there you go, I have no idea what catches the eye of a twenty year old. This is doomed. I have the same kind of thoughts a Clive James has or a Germaine Greer (think of that association, I just made it and they clearly are both from the same country and knew/know each other, so my brain paths are still in place), and those people were adults when I was born. It’s just… weird.