5 May - WAGs 'r Us

Am dressed like a WAG, including those self adhesive rubbery chicken fillets you stick over your tits if you can’t show bra straps. There’s a reason for this (will spare you) and am glad the lilac WAG dress slashed to the waist and bare at the back only cost £15 at a River Island. The jersey is made of is not that different from some I touched at Browns. But it feels weird. Looking down my chest and seeing the bare strip between the breasts and the breasts all round and smooth… It feels odd. Wonder how they feel after people have had plastic surgery? As I walk I hold my coat closed and it’s too hot. But if a man catches a glimpse they look. This is easy. Too easy. But it’s so everywhere surely there’s no novelty value? But it’s a pavolvian response perhaps: see tits about to spill out of girls dress and … look.

I am totally overdressed when I turn up to meet a friend at 6.30 at the Mandarin Oriental. I am too old though (I hope) to be mistaken for a hooker. Oh look, there’s Rowan Keating with his wife. And later outside there are the fattest bunch of American girls you’ve ever seen, they’re waiting for some bulky short guy who used to be in Backstreet Boys (I had to ask…). I am still overdressed later when I go for dinner in a nice but understated Sardinian restaurant with Toph. He’s also looking down my chest. Which is dead funny. I tell him about the plumping up extras but he’s unfazed.

Later on, the dress gets pulled this way and that by Toph. Thank god it’s easy jersey. I was going to throw it away/consign it to a cupboard as it’s done its duty and lost its novelty value but he enjoys it so much that I’ll keep it now. He likes to pull the breasts out through, the middle gap and ravish them. Oh I love that verb. Perfectly describes what I presume gods do to nymphs and what have you, in all those paintings we’ve seen or frescoes etc. I still remember the frescoes in the old fort building in Cochin of multi limbed Shiva performing circus tricks on Mohini and her friends. Shame there were no postcards one could get or books, I did a search on internet at the time but if they don’t allow them to be photographed, they can’t be reproduced. But Toph is working wonderfully from memory. Aahhhh. He doesn't seem to mind when the fillets come out but he finds them a bit odd following morning as they sit all flesh coloured silicon proud on the bedside table.