1 June - Wrong Trousers & Libido

I bought a size 6 american DKNY cotton trousers in a second hand shop – without trying them, they were a bargain so I just grabbed them as you do, and got confused as am an American 4. So when I got home they hung low on my hips and were extra long. I was considering who I could pass them on to amongst friends/colleagues as even shortening them would take time, and then I thought, no I’ll keep them for when I get bigger due to not too far away menopause.

It seems none of my older friends have avoided the horrible thickening of waist and protruding belly associated with the ‘change’ (what a farce, you’re past releasing eggs that make you pregnant and you end up with a permanent 4/5 months pregnant type belly, it’s a joke no?), and am assuming that I’ll be plenty punished for my years as a body fascist and will get the mother of all stomachs. Uhm, which would I rather have? Huge stomach and increase in waist up to two sizes but libido left intact or the other way round? Bloody hard call. I’d rather do the De Niro roulette in Deer Hunter than decide on this hypothetical quandary. But in fact I don't have to do anything, family dna will do its worst, though aunts not too badly shaped now they're... 70!

So that’s it, my subconscious is already preparing for the inevitable in my usual practical way. Other people buy smaller sizes for when they’ll lose weight and return to the dreamlike size of themselves as 18 year olds, and instead I’m beginning to stockpile clothes for when I’ll have to let it all hang out. Is this … deranged?