18 June- Jam & Jamaica

Have no idea why he came into my head but decided to look up boyfriend ’92 to ’94 or close to those dates by a year or so on facebook. I find one that corresponds to DP and seems to be or have been a (recent) graduate of the University of west indies in Jamaica – which is where we went on holiday in ’92 or ’93. His photo is is too small to see him properly (wish you could enlarge them) but in it, he has two kids attached, one girl definitely mixed race and one smaller boy which seems white like ex boyfriend who and time I looked had met his then g/friend who was caribbean. We sort of stayed in touch through mutual friends for a another couple of years after the split but then I ditched them all. It seemed pointless and I can be casual. Can’t remember name of girlfriend, but the daughter’s I remember as was Spanish spelling of star - Esterella, and rejigged to one of those names that could be written manyfolds, Etreya, Treya– I think.

Yep, must be him. Had cut off all hair already by successive g/friend when whilst previously/with me he had it long, blond and curly and too effeminate even in the 90’s. but he had a good bod, with a nice six pack but … but.. I didn’t love him as much as you should – having broken up previously with someone I loved so much more. These things never go well.

‘I suppose I should ask you to marry me?’ he said one day after break up #1. Er. No, take a hike. Ask properly when you feel it, I think I answered and break up #2 came a shortly after. I wonder if I’d have said yes? Might have done, was not head over heels but was at the right age to ‘settle’, round 30’s and god knows what would have happened. He was interesting to me but boring to my friends, have always wondered why. I think they could see the mismatch and that was a nice way to put it. But nobody said it strongly. Not like my direct Dutch friend dizzy A. who upon meeting a subsequent no good match, the anally retentive but funny W. said to me in the street after meeting him for only ten mins. ‘Lisa no, not him , he’s so not right’. I argued leave me alone type thing but she was emphatic! And she was right, it was over a few months later and bless, she had seen through it.

Er.. where was I? University of Jamaica. I have to wonder if they have relocated there altogether? Just curious. He always liked that culture much more than I did (was half adopted in London by Guayanese family of his best friend) as found it much warmer than his own Cotswold dwelling, tory councellors parents.