7 June - DVDs & Near disasters

I don't know much but I probably know a little bit more than some clean living girlfriends, so am going to write this post to offer useful information becuse when I told this anecdote to another 2 friends, they both said er.. they didn't know how to take 'it' either.

That's strange, to read the papers the whole country is on cocaine. Gosh, this must make me some kind of dark horse in their eyes but am not .. god I remember that time I was asked to receive a huge amount in a hotel in Denmark where I had arrived with an artist who had graduated to industrial quantities. It sort of burnt in my pocket. He asked if I wanted some and I said no, I had to work. What an idiot! The next day they couldn’t have taken it anywhere with them, it was a straight fly in/fly out gig, so you can imagine the party… whilst conscientious flunkey here was asleep at
2am. Idiot, I'll say it again. Do the drugs, have fun, get sensible later.


So, last week a clean living g/friend, L. says she's been increasingly wanting to be bad, she's over 40 and there's only so much cleansing and detox diets one can be on. And that she wanted to have a wild night at home with the (equally clean living boyfriend) and did I have any porn dvds to lend her and could I get hold of some cocaine. I think my jaw had hit the floor by this point. I said yes to the first request and no to the second one. Or rather, of course I know how to get hold of some but I wouldn't. She said fine she'd ask Billy.

So Friday comes and I go over with the vids (hilarious in itself as they're not mien and had not seen them, in fact, took them without persmission from a friend's small stash, relatively secure in the knowledge he wouldn't miss them).

L. is waiting and tells me when she asked Billy if she could buy a few lines, he laughed and said no, she had to buy a gram. Which is where I came in as turns out L. diddn't know how one takes it. Jeesus! Where has she been for the past twenty years. So she gives me the packet and I get a card and start mashing into powder as it was bit lumpy. She wanted to know about quantities so I should her a conservative line and a fat one. She said she'd only take half of a conservative one. I said you may as well not bother and just drink coffee. She didn't want the boyfriend to know and could she just put it in his drink? Jeesus. No, you can't, and it tastes really bitter so you can't expect him not to taste it. You takes it a note like this and you snort it like you've seen in the movies. Oh no she says, I don't want to do that, I'll just lick it. Suit yourself I said but that's not really the best way. What if I take it she says and kiss him? I said no, he'll taste it in your mouth, you just have to come clean (ha ha!) that you have class A. She's not convinced. I tell her alternatively they can play a game and she can put it on her bits and he can lick it off and so on and so forth. I feel like I'm some kind of porn video director myself or that I'm corrupting my friend but I figure she's old enough to handle it.

The weekend comes and goes and she meets me to return the dvds'. Soooooo??????? You should have seen her smile. Wide as her face. She said that the dvd called Fever was pretty good, the other one less so. Sooooooooooo? I ask her again and she said they had a fab night. Clean living boyfriend didn't question any part of it and went along happily and putting it here worked a treat. It kept her in a state of arousal for ages before coming. What about him? Ah, she says, he was so excited he didn't last long. How come? Impossible, on the stuff you stay hard for ages, in fact annoyingly so. Turns out they did so little that they will try that next time and they'll probably have 6 weekends'worth.

Am having lots of vicarious fun at this point (can't believe she did go into a bit more description, glad to hear her take on fantasy, basically she was the real girl and the ones on the dvd were somewhere over there on the other sofa).

It's only when I get home that something makes me check the dvd's before I put them back. Fever is not in its sleeve. She's given me back her Pilates exercise video. Thank god I noticed, would have been hard (ha ha! again) to explain at a later date.

. Gosh, this must make me some kind of dark horse in their eyes but am not .. god I remember that time I was asked to receive a huge amount in a hotel in DK where I had arrived with an artist. It sort of burnt in my pocket. He asked if I wanted some and I said no, I had to work. What an idiot. The next day they couldn’t take it anywhere with so you can imagine the party…