Diary of Lisa Taylor, reluctantly 42 (and a half)

Or.. 'f.ck me I'm forty.. two.. and a half', though can look 38 on a - not so deluded - good day. Or 'How to reconcile a well experienced mind trapped in a still - but for how long? – youthful body.' Don't have the 30somethings angst/problems, neither have the resigned (?) ageing baby-boomers in safe family territory outlook yet. Here's how I cope, one day all sexy women will get old... but never invisible. © Lisa Taylor 2005/6/7/8/9. Jeez.. so much for the 42 and-a-half delusion

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

27 May - Families & Worries

Does anybody else out there occasionally think that their life would be easier/simpler/better if they had no family at all? I don't mean wishing for real that the family they have would just die all at once in a tragic accident /plane falling out of sky sort of way, but that they just didn't, had never existed? So that one wouldn't have to worry about them worrying about them and worrying about each other?
I just need to know if this happens /is normal or borderline normal because I get to this point regularly. The constant process of compromising/mediating/changing one's wishes and desires because they may upset someone who you're too conditioned to care for to actually upset is pretty hard work. I'm a natural selfish person left to my own devices. By which I don't mean I trample over people's feelings but would be inclined in really doing what I want/when I want, rather than feel unable to because, oh I don't know, your father would think it's a cruel twist of fate you're presenting him with.

To give an example: should a person who wishes to relocate to the other side of the world imminently, be held back because of ageing parents and vulnerable siblings, or just go and run the gauntlet of society's disapproval and guilt trips laid on her by said 'abandoned' family who would wail 'What have we done to deserve this?' Why should their equilibrium come at the expense of my own freedom of expression or just freedom? It's a cruel twist to me that having eschewed the chains of child rearing I should have to be chained by ageing family. Why can't I care remotely, why does it have to be in the same country? Rant over.


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