6 July - JC

‘Are men dogs?’ discuss.
Had a drink with the charming (but incredibly self-aggrandising and arrogant) successful ex boyfriend of a dear friend. J spent the evening bemoaning the fact that he doesn’t want to date young women as ‘They don’t know about the Vietnam war’ (wow, I thought I was the only person who cared about such things!) and he has nothing much to talk to them about, but at the same time he needs to date young women as he wants children and his contemporaries, at 43, can’t really have them. Or, shall we say if he starts dating one now, by the time his mother thinks the woman in question is good material, it may be too late. Yes, I said mother as he’s half Italian/half Brazilian and his mother makes his big decisions. Well, she brought him up single-handedly and so I guess marked her territory more in depth. In recent years he has relented on his criteria and at least does not require that his women should look like his mother or have the same taste in jewellery and accessories (she’ soon to put all the vintage Prada and furs on ebay), which is progress of a kind. Anyway, he’s in a bit of a limbo as not seeing anyone, desperate for sex and as we know chasing some does require some effort/expenditure. As he’s clearly too lazy to go seek some, he’s cleverly thought that he could source some from people he knows ie. friends of the ex. I admit to finding him handsome and interesting though slightly loathsome too, and I sort of appreciate how upfront he is.
As I was showing considerable reluctance to agree to see him a few days later for some ‘naughtiness’ (he may be lazy, but I’m not so why do I need to ‘go there’ and be also sure to upset my friend when/if she finds out?) he thought of being even more upfront and confessing that all men are dogs, he’s one and he’s always fantasised about me, we are adults, we can do what we want etc etc so why not give it a try? (uhm yes, I guess if he’d paid for dinner that would have been ‘a special offer?’ Am sure the invitation to a Greek villa in August was a further enticement. When I recovered my speech I pointed out that far from this being flattering, it is mistaking me for some bone or scrap of food that said dog is prepared to eat just now that he’s hungry. There’s nothing wrong with admitting to basic urges but truly… as I said before, go pay for some. Thank god my friend didn’t pass his mother’s test and is spared a few years with this individual. And shame I can’t even tell her to rejoice in her lucky escape as she probably still has strong feelings for him. All this passed on a Wednesday and I still got calls the following days to see if I’d changed my mind!
I told this to a friend and she said that no, not all men are dogs. A few minutes later a text came through from another g/friend saying ‘You’ll never guess what I just did to X?’ (X being a 50 something famous person and this being early afternoon). I replied ‘Gave him a bj in an unusual situation?’ (must admit was thinking geography here). She replied ‘Yes, bj as he was on the phone to his wife’. Charming. Now you could say it’s not just men who are dogs but that my friends are bitches but………this particular one never ever does this sort of thing and before we criticise her we still have to consider a married man who is on the phone to his wife whilst etc etc. Any more stories on this subject, you’re welcome to pass them on.