26 September - vegas girls

A mixed bag of facts and impressions. Vegas was a see-saw of 'I hate this place/ I wish I could come every month' but ultimately I don't need to visit for years to come. But can I go next w/e? (see, here I go with the ambivalence that place inspires). It's truly too much of a waste of everything from water to electricity to sit well with my 'I care about the world' stance. The fountains of the Bellagio could drain a dam on the Yangtse river and even filling my stone deep bath took half a swimming pool amount of water. As for the neons… an alien landing from the dark side of the moon would die from the supercharge of lights.

It's certainly been great to learn how it all works and become a video poker addict. Plus have been to a poker night two days after my return because I liked it so much but played chips, not money! Jeez, I’d have left £2,00o n the table! Silly me didn’t know that with poker you can’t just leave the table when you’re chips up but you have to stay till the bitter end and bluff it out with just one person. Winner takes it all. Marvellous for memory improvement though, all those quick calculations I’m not used to doing. Have also started watching it on late night TV. Surely this decade’s equivalent of darts or snooker. Another sign I’ve aged? Do people in their twenties buy into the gaming craze? Young Andrew does but he also works in the industry so not sure. In Vegas my g/friends all won lots of dollars so someone does beat the system in small amounts and can rush out to the Marc Jacobs store and buy this year’s handbag followed by the best massage they ever had at the hotel spa and so on. My enthusiasm for the roulette cooled down after an ill advised bet of my winnings placed all on red… produced black and that was it. However, hours can be spent happily on the 1c or 5c machines so I’ll have fun as a pensioner in Blackpool. As for the famed free drinks served whilst you play, they are basically the mixer with a trace of alcohol so infinitesimal that even a non drinker such as myself could not get merry after 5 vodka and tonics devoid of vodka. No sightings of exciting men by the Bellagio pool though. That has to be a disappointment especially as the whirlpools by the private cabanas were to die for. But as we know George Clooney spends his time near the real Bellagio on Lake Como so he’s got more sense.

A precious moment was Molly asking a taxi driver for cocaine, after i had asked if he knew where the gun range was and Annick had also asked for recommendations for pole dancing clubs. The driver was Lithuanian so god knows what he thought of these crazy 'english' girls. Ok, yes, it’s in the papers all over the western world that all strata of society buy and consume drugs. My personal take on this shall remain private but you know, the Tory party do it, celebs do it and cleaners, drivers, office workers etc. So really, the cab driver in Vegas should have known better. I run mostly on natural energy so was quite pleased to see I outlasted the girls. One night after they retired after 1am, I went out again on my own and returned at 4am. I could have stayed out longer, the Green Door was a cool place, but was worried Suze may wake up at 6am to resume video poker and catch me out as the misbehaved memeber of the party. They all have partners so I guess no need to cruise. Suze, an aside... was strip searched on arrival - the whole works, fingers up etc. - as some chemical on her skin made the machine or whatever bling. The woman uses creme de la mer body and face lotion. You have been warned. In case you also are in the habit of spending several hundred pounds on moisturisers.

My favourite time , aside for a horse ride in the ‘desert’ and pumping 38 x 9mm bullets out of 50 into a target, excellent first time result and next time we try the Uzis, was possibly when we went to the old vegas on Fairmont. When any music video gets shot in Vegas they are always based there, because it has all the neon tubes. I can't remember the title but an old Marc Almond comes to mind...We went to a casino called Fitzgeralds and there was a black guy singing classic tunes, and a small dance-floor and couples dancing totally into each other though the lighting was dazzling, only a few feet away from a Krispy Creme outlet! I thought it was an excellent combination: dance, machines and sugar. And the old casinos are smaller and you don’t walk miles to get around the gaming areas or back to your room either. You have to be fit to do Vegas unless you stick to the machines nearest to your elevator.

We then went to watch a few pole dancers at some famous downtown joint, but realised that when the pole is on the bar counter, they can't do many moves/tricks at all or they'd take the punters' heads off with their legs/shoes! Shame. it was sobering to realise that guys will be mesmerised by the girl dancing whatever her shape or size. There were some huge girls there and not everyone had silicone tits. it's all in the moves .... or the fact that they see just ass and tits and little of the rest. Not sure anyone was looking away from g/string area. The girls were trying to keep firm eye contact so the bloke just thinks it's all for him alone. darn easy if you ask me. Shame couldn't take photos there or at the Gospel lunch which was hysterical. Molly went to the loo when the guys on stage asked for audience to join them. I nearly managed to persuade Annick to go with me . so we could see our Jewish friend’s face coming back, table empty and we are up there shooping and singing along to Jesus songs? I should point out that for years I thought most songs where love songs. I mean they are but I didn’t think the lover was Jesus!