26 July - Perfect baby gifts?

As my BF seemed to have been gagging for sex whilst away from my ever providing side for a mere 17 days, I make some quick mental jump and write to my most reliable sex hungry friend and ask when’s the baby due? (less than a month to go) and has he managed to keep it in his pants given the girlfriend could not provide full services or reduced ones. He said he has – despite at least two episodes where it was difficult to reign himself in and has amazed himself by this feat of abnegation. He never thought it was possible. He goes on to say he’ll be at the Edinburgh festival for 2 weeks shortly and if resists temptation there – there will be flowing copious alcohol and late nights one presumes - he’ll truly feel holy. I say I’ll award him a special medal and only him and I will know what it’s for. Quick as a flash he replies ‘Can you make it buttplug-shaped?’ Even quicker than a flash I reply ‘Sure, and I’ll post it along with the baby gift!’ You have to laugh. Or at least we do.