20 July - Rain

So, er, I have avoided festivals. But there's a mini event not far in Victoria Park, the Time Out weekender, so I thought why not? Ok, no ticket has been purchased yet though friend is on the case but have you looked outside? For those of you not in London it is the colour of Seattle, Iceland, Siberia and so on in Winter, with rain to add to the excitement. It's hopeless. Just as well we went to Shoreditch Soho House last Friday and not today. Back then, it wasn't hot but it was sunny, we were raving about the open air top floor pool. Sooooo LA, dahling, and throbbing with guests posing around it well into the evening. We felt the breeze, we scouted for boys (on behalf of my adorable gay macho man from Spain and his man hungry mezzo soprano friend, also from Spain and lamenting how hard it is to find a 'man beyond just having sex' here. I wanted to prove her wrong and help with some introductions but the SSH aficionados were into their little groups and not prepared to extend welcome.

Me, the BF and mezzo soprano shared a taxi home as she lives a few streets away from me. However, he has made it known I should not make any overtures to her for three way sex as he doesn't fancy her. Neither do I as it happens and there was nothing in my behaviour to lead him to such thoughts. Though I suspect it's her stories about men on viagra and their 5/6 times a night that may have make him come over a bit shy. It is a bit much to live up to at our age and he prefers no chemical aids, hence that frequency is simply unattainable.

Back to the weather... am also invited tomorrow to rooftop filming of pop video in Camden, wher else, for band who I predict will be bigger than Coldplay. No, not mentioning names now so if prediction is wrong I won't lose face. Had already planned outfit to stand out in the background in case crowd scene was required, but I'll be lucky to be seen under huge umbrella. Quelle shame.

10 May - Snogs & Knickers

A friend tells me he got a call from a friend of his whilst on an airport stopover. Funny how we all do it, catch up with friends when we're stuck in the departure lounge. Anyway, T. takes a long time to dish the excitement of his last week end chez some rich friend in the country. Apparently he had a threesome with his girlfriend and another girl guest. I find it hard to believe about this gentleman and quiz my friend on the nature of this threesome and eventually my friend seems of the opinion that they were talking snogs and possibly some sucking and licking but nothing major. I tell my friend that this surely doesn't count as it's a bit schoolkids fooling around. He looks at me quizzically when I say there is a question he should have asked which is 'Were you all totally naked or did you keep your pants on?' Surely, by definition, if you've kept much of your clothing on you can't have caroused for that long or that deep? I wonder if the two ladies participants would describe their minor flirtation as a threesome. Men... self aggrandissing as usual. I tell my friend I can't wait to see T's girlfriend again and see how we get on next. He blushes. He doesn't know am only teasing.

10 April - Amora & New Tips

To the opening of Amora, the London Academy of Sex and Relationships. A grand sounding name for a new museum about sex. Tasteful colours and designs, a pretty good space if you want to try one of these.. am told the one in NY is shit and the one in Amsterdam too kinky/fetish. This one is more Spa/Vegas. It’s in the Trocadero but you don’t actually have to go inside that horrible space to access it. It manages to tell me some info I didn’t know about sex (and no am not telling you where my lack of knowledge lied) and so all in all I conclude that it would have to be invaluable if you were 18 and seeking enlightenment. Then again, it’s good I got to this age unaware that you can use one of those core stabiliser inflatable large gym balls as a surface to lie on whilst having sex. Girl lies on it (or boy ahem) and man kneels and fucks her as she’s gently supported by the ball which not being hard and ungiving as a mattress, allows for a lot more jigging and fun. Plus you get to move around the room you’re in and they’re cheap. Must get one. Though watching a short film where a man is fucking a woman who’s comfortably hanging in a harness makes me want that more. A friend had a harness but I wanted to borrow it for my own partner and not use it with the owner so it never came to pass. So yes, probably best not to go to Amora if you’re 18 so that you haven’t got it all spelt out so soon and they’ll be things to discover later on. I for one got home eager to do ‘snake’ and to ‘watch chandeliers’. Actually I do the latter occasionally but clearly had forgotten. Then again I spot some holes (ha ha) in the knowledge imparted, or maybe I simply didn’t stop and watch and listen at all the displays. Will go back some other time.

The visitors on opening night were a varied bunch. As I watched one position on screen Io muttered to myself ‘You need a long penis to that one properly’, only to hear a male voice next to me agree! I had not spotted the short man standing there. We let it drop, but maybe the place can serve that function? An instant craigslist casuals so to speak? I met the owner’s girlfriend, a not out of this world blonde in a white suit. However, I couldn’t take my eyes off her emerald green high necked silk shirt. It made me want to run my hands up and down the fabric. In my heels I matched her height and could look straight into her eyes and take in the plump mouth. Later I told Toph and he said ‘Ask her along’. As you do. All idle talk as far as I can tell. So I replied ‘I think she was checking me out for her scene, not ours’.
Maybe the thing to do is a little trade where you don’t tell your boy you’ve gone to theirs and then some time later she can come along to ours and not tell her man. That way, the boys ego doesn’t get called into question. But not sure about mine. Must engineer to meet her again and see if in different clothes she has the same effect. Am a girl you know; a man would care little about the package.