Diary of Lisa Taylor, reluctantly 42 (and a half)

Or.. 'f.ck me I'm forty.. two.. and a half', though can look 38 on a - not so deluded - good day. Or 'How to reconcile a well experienced mind trapped in a still - but for how long? – youthful body.' Don't have the 30somethings angst/problems, neither have the resigned (?) ageing baby-boomers in safe family territory outlook yet. Here's how I cope, one day all sexy women will get old... but never invisible. © Lisa Taylor 2005/6/7/8/9. Jeez.. so much for the 42 and-a-half delusion

Sunday, December 31, 2006

31 december - Indians with no alchohol.. they still go mad

From kerala happy new year if anyone alights on this blog. It's midnight 5.30 hours ahead of.. you...
I don’t know anyone who’s lived in a police state, apart from a friend who grew up in Poland and remembers black market food and curfews etc. Other than that I hear some reporter friends’ stories about Sudia Arabia and Middle East and as usual I think ‘THANK GOD I HAVE A PASSPORT from a democratic state’. I don’t tend to view India as being a police state but it’s true that they are not as free as we are. There’s segregation between males and females, a bit like we had when we went on coach holidays at 12 and they tried not to make us sit together, but you know, imagine that if you were 30? There’s an unjust caste systems, there’s an appalling dowry systems, there’s frowning and in some places much more than frowning at PDA’s (public displays of affection) between the sexes – of course everyone has been surprised by seeing Indian men walk hand in hand or linked at the waist but that’s in response to not being able to do that at all with females.
But generally when you’re on holiday you don’t think about this. Until you find yourself on the beach at NYE, awaiting fireworks and the place is awash with male revellers who may or may not have purchased some forbidden alcohol and therefore got drunk really fast as they usually don’t drink, and more police than you’ve seen at anti war demonstrations in your country. The police tannoys keep warning tourists to watch out for ‘troublemakers’. The police are clearly looking after the tourist dollars and don’t want the town to acquire any bad reputation for acts that would scare us away.
Personally I think it’s really sad that the women must be at home or hiding somewhere tonight (unless they’re married or with their father, they’re not allowed out) and so the atmosphere is strange ... all these men dancing alone.
At ten mins past midnight, when the last of the fireworks is smouldering (no western standards of health and safety here, the fireworks seem to emanate from within the crowd!), the police are busy chasing everyone home, quite happily using sticks on the ‘troublemakers’. It’s a low level of repression but it’s still difficult to work out what it is that they feel they have to repress. Would people not turn up for work the following day if they drink like westerners or consort with women like westerners do? Anyone with a PhD on why emancipation is so feared?

29 december - where is everybody? tbc

tbc
we're not there. and two are in cuba, 3 are on the swiss slopes, 2 are in paris, 2 are in rajasthan, 1 is in brasil, 1 in is in tanzania, 1 is in mozambique, 2 are in thailand, 3 in fact.
so many empty houses! i wanted to invite some romanians or displaced somalis to stay in all of our empty houses but nobody wanted to join my liberal guilt scheme.
tbc

27 December - posh garages

Wer're on the way to a party of a friend's girlfriend who's recently sold her company for millions and millions. She still lives in Brixton but not for long methinks! We're wondering if instead of bringing bottles of champagne, we may be given a goody bag each containing some shares. Just so we don't feel so underachieving. Actually it's a subjective view. Actually, no, correct that, we're underachievers. Till the following exchange (one is a hedge fund manager, mid thirties)
'So J, your jag is not on the street anymore, where is it?'
'I found a garage, near the paul smith shop on westbourne park road.
'Ah well, so you have to walk ten mins, how much is your garage?'
'The same as my first mortgage' he deadpans. (he always lived in Notting Hill so do your sums).
3 of us in the car nearly weep with envy. The conversation moves on to the value of various companies and he says that ITV shares are shit. 1 of us has a considerable amount. He really weeps.

28 December - airports

Thomas cook holiday. Never done one. It’s cheap though not everyone on it looks cheap. Not a single Juicy Couture outfit in sight, or bastard son of Juicy Couture. A trend now exhausted, stone cold killed and yet. IF there was a place for juicy it was here, travelling in soft velvet cotton but now it’s not in fashion, not even immigrants would want to war it. TBC

26 December - Canapes are evil

Canapés are evil, but I know what to do. One of my greatest discoveries happened by accident. I arrive at an in house xmas party (catering stuff all east European as is the rigueur these days). As I enter the room carrying for once only a tiny purse, I’m still chewing my chewing gum. There doesn’t seem to be anywhere to put it. Empty glasses are proper glass not paper, no ashtrays are on display. The plant pots are too clean to be able to conceal my rubber. Only later do I think I could go to the loo and wrap it in toilet paper or go into the kitchen and drop it in the bin. I don’t do this because I have now realised that so long as the chewing gum stays in my mouth (dormant, I’m not chewing of course, how rude) I cannot help myself to the evil tempting stuff on the trays. None passes my lips. God knows how many calories saved. It’s a boring party. My friend only sees these people once a year and all past common pursuits are forgotten. Add to that ‘I never liked his wife’ and the point of going is? Simply to find out if they’re still living in the same big house or have done better in the world. Forgive me for not getting exactly jealous of a large family house in Shepherd Bush. Big deal.

As for that other staple, mince pies, never understood the thing myself. Who eats such awful treacly stuff? I hesitate to use the word patisserie. And xmas puds? Seriously? Go continental and light with a Pandoro - the fluffier version of Panettone, can be dressed up with liqueurs and cream if you must. That's my message. tbc

23 december - Gifts & gift ideas

Friend now works at Ann Summers. So here’s my tip for Xmas gifts and it won’t cost you anything. As I was enquiring about buying some new toys and was curious about “The Cone” (look it up on their website) but didn’t particularly fancy spending £50 to find out what it’s like, courtesy of the Ann Summers tester (oh yes, a real woman has this job), the verdict is that she tried it every which way and it failed to get her off. And if that’s her verdict, it means it’s still on the shelves because it’s a puzzling new item and you could be tempted, but trust me/her. So I put in an order for other stuff (wouldn’t you just like to know, but with 30% off staff discount I felt I could afford to experiment).
Toph is going to find most in his Xmas stocking. Though got many items already, but would like to keep some in their wrapping package intact for a change. It’s always a bit odd pulling out ‘old’ toys and we all know most boys are squeamish as to where they’ve already been. I always say that rubber is perfectly safe to wash in boiling water really so all scrupulously clean. But hey. Ok maybe not all boys are squeamish. The ones who visit certain parlours and ladies, cannot be so deluded as to think the vibrator is new, just for their delectation and so on.

As for other gifts, gosh, i think I've got it all! but if not, here's my top tips for gifts and making life easier at xmas:
- give charity. Really, it's easy, fuss free and nobody can complain or resent getting something that clearly is good for other disadvantaged people. Go Oxfam, go.
- I could also do the list of what I'd buy people if they didn't get offended... top of the list is teeth whitening for a good few friends... ok, ok, they would be offended. But why the resistance? Why do people hang on to their grey/green teeth? I'm not talking straightening crooked teeth. Takes time, is expensive, and alters your face and you're used to your face. But teeth whitening is safe, it's affordable and truly enhances those who need it. Beats me.

20 December - Bear with me... I need to get five free minutes

tbc.

No, I never did get the five minutes and am re-reading this post in mid-June 07, ie. six months' hence. God knows what were my hopes at end of this year for the next but am still not rich, nor have I moved to spacious, grand home, nor have I finished something I started. Am not one for lists but we all carry some nebulous one in our head at all times and those were the items...

However, back now I woulnd't have dared hope to be still in love with the same man or that his charms would grow even more on me. Let's face it, he doesn't do that much except for being adorable and for putting up with me and not walking away and for that he gets rewarded with what I do best. Ego boosting. Boy if I ever turned the other way you'd wither and die. But, no need for that now that we're all mature and grown up. Rambling... He's my boy. Here's to the next six months with Toph. More fun, more holidays, more sex.

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18 december - Where's my passport

yeah, who cares about London when you can go to Indiahhh again?
got to pack, got to go. That way I'll be gone over the holidays which frankly are too long. And as I won't have to worry about where I spend NYE, I'll avoid this thought which came into my head this morning and normally, as you'll have gathered, I'm a positive person devoide of jealousies or envy (with the exception of youth, it's faded, it's gone, I hate those who still have it):
It’s never MY party of the year/season/week I go to.. .it’s other people’s. Whilst it's kind of them to invite me, I certainly must achieve more. I'd like to be the party of the year one day.

17 December - tbc

ok, ok still lazy, still working it all out in my head. a whirl...

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

15 December - Lazy or Crazy

Just in case you chance upon this blog or are a semi-regular reader... I'm not dead, or in prison (mind you there they most surely have latest wi-fi facilities and all mod cons) and the reason I've not kept up the blog is that... it's party time season and surely am out there living it rather than writing about it. It all got too much, too many notes on scraps of paper and not enough time to edit - wouldn't want you to read simple stream of consciousness stuff, there is a modicum of skill I'd like to dress my musings in/with. But I will do it.
Here's what I have notes to cover:

  • canapes are evil
  • give up going to people's xmas parties if you only meet them at said ones once a year. Why do they invite you anyway? Is it a panic as in 'my god maybe no one will turn up but so and so always does, stick him/her on the list?'
  • all staff everywhere you go is now romanian, czech, polish, slovakian and so on. Even in the remotest part of the Lake District.
  • movies
  • xmas travels (everyone is off, so am I, India again, couldn't resist it, boy was it only a year ago or so I was about to meet the crazy incendiary west coast small time crims?)
  • shopping
  • high fliyers and council workers
  • ann summers
  • bonuses
  • sex
  • men
  • other women's men
  • other women's men's women
  • books
  • feuds
  • cash
  • sleepless nights
  • clubs
well you get the gist. I just have to re-arrange thoughts