15 October - julia & the fruit
Lunch with a friend who had a short little anecdote to tell me as she said my blog needs to ligthen up. Here goes, paraphrasing:
"Men are very simple to please. Just offer to do anything they want. Once. This quickly establishes what it is and it may save a lot of time in the future. Or having to lug with you a suitcase full of lingerie, toys, shoes etc. The guy in question liked the shoes I arrived with, but didn’t care that I had higher heels, prettier pairs with me. He also didn’t have the energy or the interest to run through more than 2 outfits from the selection I had thoughtfully put together to please him. He had a thing about fruit but, typical male, went overboard and bought 2 carriers full from Tesco. He kind of got bored after placing a banana here, and a papaya there, oh and a strawberry there. The blueberries clearly were going to make a big mess until I suggested just putting them in a glass, pouring vodka over them and having blueberry vodka drinks. Eating the pomegranate went down well. Both the juice running over me and the texture of the ‘beads’, plus it was just perfectly ripe. I had to stand in the bath to squish the kiwis all over (the Four Season’s beds were just too pristine and fresh to ruin). He had never thought you could mash up avocado and cover your body with it. I gave myself an oil massage as he just watched. This was in the bathroom at this point, again, so all traces of this strange encounter could all be erased away by the strong shower jet. Superb. The bananas got no further use and were chucked, the papaya I ate in the morning.
Oh, and if you pick someone with a high powered pressured job, you may find they have a plane to catch at 6am the next morning so they’re asleep by 11pm. Easy. Though you are left a bit wanting…if the Carmen Miranda thing is not your scene. But, should there be a next time, you could just wave some lychees at him and get him to the point where it takes very few minutes more action on your part."
"Men are very simple to please. Just offer to do anything they want. Once. This quickly establishes what it is and it may save a lot of time in the future. Or having to lug with you a suitcase full of lingerie, toys, shoes etc. The guy in question liked the shoes I arrived with, but didn’t care that I had higher heels, prettier pairs with me. He also didn’t have the energy or the interest to run through more than 2 outfits from the selection I had thoughtfully put together to please him. He had a thing about fruit but, typical male, went overboard and bought 2 carriers full from Tesco. He kind of got bored after placing a banana here, and a papaya there, oh and a strawberry there. The blueberries clearly were going to make a big mess until I suggested just putting them in a glass, pouring vodka over them and having blueberry vodka drinks. Eating the pomegranate went down well. Both the juice running over me and the texture of the ‘beads’, plus it was just perfectly ripe. I had to stand in the bath to squish the kiwis all over (the Four Season’s beds were just too pristine and fresh to ruin). He had never thought you could mash up avocado and cover your body with it. I gave myself an oil massage as he just watched. This was in the bathroom at this point, again, so all traces of this strange encounter could all be erased away by the strong shower jet. Superb. The bananas got no further use and were chucked, the papaya I ate in the morning.
Oh, and if you pick someone with a high powered pressured job, you may find they have a plane to catch at 6am the next morning so they’re asleep by 11pm. Easy. Though you are left a bit wanting…if the Carmen Miranda thing is not your scene. But, should there be a next time, you could just wave some lychees at him and get him to the point where it takes very few minutes more action on your part."
posted by Lisa Taylor @ 7:50 AM
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