9 March - The Bill & the Roth

The rock 'n roll lifestyle no longer can be described as being part of my life, and was moderate by any standards a decade ago, but once a r 'n r constitution is developed, it sort of sees you through life. So it is that the whole of my present little world (let's just say work colleagues) are surprised when, upon arrival at midday with suitcase in tow, I tell them I've come straight off the plane after an 11 flight... Like, wow, you must have energy. As a matter of fact I am no longer doing something so pressing and crucial that I need to be here at all but I don't throw holiday time away just like that, every one of those bastard 25 days a year are precious to me so turning up at midday means you don't have to technically even take the half day off, nobody is going to check. And apart from that I didn't fancy dealing with my own admin much whilst away so there's that to catch up too. Plus you can be fresh with your news that, true to form, I was sat having a greek salad at a pavement table in Larchmont Village (no, me neither, till Toph elected to come here for his yogaworks main branch, it's near Hancock Park if you should know, no me neither, ok, not far from La Brea, that will do) when I spotted my one famous person of the week. Tim Roth walked by with a beautiful woman and a beautiful child - not sure they were his, looking his usual dishevelled self. They must know him well out here too because his face is on plenty posters on the strip advertising some drama I will probably never watch, called Lie to Me. Think he plays a shrink who helps police perhaps by detecting liars. Doesn't sound that engrossing but maybe it is. So I look up and as I tell Toph to turn, our Tim smiles - so Toph tells me, am not making it up, the smile that says I know you're one from Blighty and you know me from that first Mike Leigh drama where you saw me with Gary Oldman for the first time.

Funnily enough PM who's lunching with us, is more excited to go to a reading that her part time lover GP is doing up at the Machado's house (he was the Mexican undertaker in Six Feet Under and his wife is in many things) because Joe Mantegna is reading too. Yes, that's impressive too but I wouldn't fancy Joe, great actor that he is, whereas our Tim... Well, our Tim is not even it. As we walk back to the car we go past the cute, cute pens full of puppies who are ready for fostering or adoption and which are drawing the crowd that's here for the Farmers market too. Those are the same all over so I won't bore you, except that here they're very generous with their samples. And it's then that I spot him, sitting on the floor wearing a wool cap, long sleeved green t-shirt and being exactly like Billy Bob Thornton. No, he isn't, but he's his best lookalike down to the lovely grey beard and it's lovely that Toph is not a touchy one because I actually say it aloud 'If i had a thing for older looking guys, that would be the one, the Billy Bob'. PM merely points out that it's a fine line between hollywood actors and possibly street bums as the clothes are roughly the same.

This would be the good point at which to tell you Toph's little doggy anecdote that he's been using to all his London friends for a week. It was actually here, in historic Larchmont, ahem, 100 years old? That he was having a snack by himself last Sunday sat next to two women who were discussing the merits of Jeff and how he was perhaps not the one a he was not responding to her the way she wished and Jeff this and Jeff that, and Toph is eavesdropping the LA women's talk and the punchline is that this Jeff is not her new lover/boyfriend but... a dog. Yep, he was totally being discussed in human terms. Bless. Toph hates small dogs and keeps rubbishing the little chihuahuas so I have to shoosh him as PM had one briefly and also point out that they are practically the local breed over from the mexico border. you know, there a state of chihuahua and I guess the dogs come from there or am i being dim for once?

Anyway, Tim Roth, am sure you're having a nice life in LA, I'll check you out on youtube becasue my life has become too short to watch TV drama and no amount of tantalising Hollywood Reporter stories are going to make me get involved with Lost, Heroes, 24 or the Wire, nope, not seen an episode of that one yet, not even half one. What do I do all day????

The good thing is that the Larchmont scene, complete with yogaworks, is full of women and guess what? I don't feel too out of place round here despite not having a remodelled anything. PM has had a facelift a while back but Toph tells her she looks like my sister and we can pass for 38 max. Which means I can save the facelift till I'm 58 right? Having said that, when I told a friend about the Tim Roth near encounter, she said when she was in Larchmont last she saw Eva Mendes so er.. yeah, that would make me feel like shit, she's definitely mega healthy hot.