Diary of Lisa Taylor, reluctantly 42 (and a half)

Or.. 'f.ck me I'm forty.. two.. and a half', though can look 38 on a - not so deluded - good day. Or 'How to reconcile a well experienced mind trapped in a still - but for how long? – youthful body.' Don't have the 30somethings angst/problems, neither have the resigned (?) ageing baby-boomers in safe family territory outlook yet. Here's how I cope, one day all sexy women will get old... but never invisible. © Lisa Taylor 2005/6/7/8/9. Jeez.. so much for the 42 and-a-half delusion

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

7 July - Historians and crowds (partial)

From now on anything that says 'partial' means that I haven't finished writing it but that if I sit on it forever, you'll think this blog is defunct so am publishing and later on will amend.

So last night I went to a historian lecture in St Pauls on USB/Warburg banker . as had mentioned to J. last week , he said he’d go with. arrive and he’s waiting for G.
I said ‘er.. will she understand it?’ since her English is far from amazing. He said yes she would. I reserved comment.
So we listen for half hour and it was hard for me to actually hear (place was packed to the rafters, who’d have thought!) and she didn’t hear a thing/looked at her BB. So of course when time came for questions, which would have been interesting as you know, the lecture is prob available on print, we left to go for a drink as she was clearly bored.
So drink.

Before leaving (she said she was going to HER house and I nearly made a comment along the lines of ‘oh so you don’t want to spend the night with him when he’s still 39? – he’s 40 today) he said he was going to the other J. in west hamps to pick up a small stereo. So I said ‘ah yes you need music for your party tomorrow… er, is everything sorted with Toph? ‘(as I knew he hadn’t called him yesterday) and he said ‘well it’s up to him’. I said oh, T. is not coming then if it’s up to him. Which led to a short conversation where I tried to explain (more for the benefit of G. as I wanted her to know that Toph was not just being bloody minded) why it would be uncomfortable/awkward etc. and it was clear that she’d been given the line of ‘Was 6 years ago, should have blown over by now’. during which it transpires that he sees L. ‘not as much as I see Tops, maybe once every 2 months’ and I missed my chance to say, which would have been a killer ‘So you think it’s ok then to invite her ‘above’ T. but I notice you have NOT invited M. who’s a better friend to you than L. but clearly would be embarrassing as she is not comfortable with you being with G. even though your short relationship with her dates back also to many many years ago.’
Drat drat that I didn’t say. The meaning being YOU don’t want to be uncomfortable, but you don’t care if T. is. Anyway, that’s that.

I can’t tell you how bad I felt in the pit of my stomach for T. I got home and said ‘ darling I know you’re different form me and you don’t hold things against people like I do, but if that had been done to me I’d be a bit gutted’ and I could tell that he had hoped for a different outcome and was soo sad. As this was basically saying ‘well, your problem not mine, I invited you, up to you’.
Really feel bad.
The thing is that J had already asked T. to meet up for lunch today and T. said to me this morning ‘ I can’t not go as that would look like am sulking’ . bless
Oh and J is on holiday this week but spending it in London (am sure did same last year) doing zilch as G. can’t go on holiday, not that she would go with him anyway…and she would most certainly go on her own with own friends later on in August. What a pinhead.


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