9 April - More & Too Much

Gosh, am mad. My fear of dying is such that I fill every gap. I seem to have booked wim wenders/pina bausch film, the play with the geezer from Lost, can't even remember title of play, Fela Kuti's son's, Seun's gig, going to some stuff at the Idler Acad, and got given Kylie tix for Monday and don't want to go, and much more and all the time I say I just want to stay in!!!! aaaarggghhhhhhh Yesterday I ditched crossing London to see a friend of a friend's exhibition where other friends were going to meet, so I re-arranges seeing one of them this morning as she leaves the country this afternoon.

Then of course I got up and my suggestion of 'So I'll come to you and then will ride the tube/train to airport and chat and then I can read a novel on the way back' was changed to a phone appointment where we'll talk after you've checked in and will be sat with a glass of wine near departure lounge. Face to face is overrated right.

In the meantime we also dealt with the disappearance of friend I. who spoke to her at 5.30 making arrangements for the same exhibition and night out to follow and then never turned up or answered messages/texts. By this morning various friends were on the case (it's not like him not to just let you know he's gone and done something else instead) including a visit to knock on his door. No reply. Turned out that when the man turned up before he set off for the exhibit/party, he walked off with I's phone by mistake and left his. I's phone had little or no juice in it so it took him a while to recover it. Strange story but must be true. However, we, the friends, all confessed to each other that we had been very worried since I. drinks too much, does other stuff too much and at his age, we all thought 'Oh no, heart attack???' So, phew, no worries.

5 March - Brits & Food

Well, trust us to come from London and want to go dine in the LA outpost of favourite joint, Cecconi's. Silly or what?
We arrive at 9pm as we haven't booked a table for 4 and this way we can wait for one. I've read the reviews and they all said that the soft week/s were a bit mayhem as loud and clubby and friendly but nothing to write home about on the food side. But they opened on Oscar week so naturally it was chaotic.

We make friends at the bar with some people so now should I need a top realtor I know one. She looks like Demi Moore and is of Italian descent, aren't they all here? or Irish? Or is that NY? There could be a mass of famous faces here but I wouldn't know who's big in TV so it falls to Toph to recognise Nigel Lythgoe not because he's a judge on the X Factor or the like but because he worked in TV, on the other side. Am, clueless though have heard the name. Eventually the lovely front of house girlies who are truly gifted at their job since they keep us up to date with our table and are generally fun, get the best table that allows me full view of the restaurant and Toph has a view of PM's chest exposing dress. I think this is the table Madonna would have got had she turned up so am well happy. PM's lover GP is such a delightful man with a Richard Gere look that's irresistible though he's much shorter or maybe RG is short too, they all are , they just look big on screen.
He's also enchanted by the flesh revealing dress and even more so since my g/friend told me she no longer sleeps with him (till he does something about leaving the wife working at the UN in NY) and she just enjoys turning him on and letting him stew. We think the wife funds a lot of his LA lifestyle so clearly he has reasons to not quit.. till he's made it either as an actor or screenwriter/director. He has us in hoots when he confesses that he's not actually come from a karate class but from a ballet one. He just says karate cause he's puerto rican and all his friends would just rib him to death for such a non macho 'sport'. The poor babe!

Toph makes friends with the maitre d', with the main waiter and the waitress by doing his usual 'I hear a Brit accent right?'. He's oblivious to the fact they're busy but they indulge in in small talk and when he says he lives behind Nick the owner, we get free appetizers. Nice. Techically the owner is now Jamie Caring's dad as 80% shareholder if am not mistaken. I don't even know why I say Jamie Caring's dad except that I don't remember the name of billionaire Caring Snr and it just now makes perfect sense that JC who didn't seem to know that much, had a plum job from a young age at MTV, guess that wasn't difficult to get as work experience heh? But I digress as usual.

So, the menu is sort of London lite and for hours we don't see our food. But it's actually the one time we don't care cause we're laughing so much and the nero d'avola is going down a treat. We hardly notice that everyone else has gone home by 11pm cause they must all have breakfast meetings or personal trainers at 7am to meet. When eventually our bill arrives there's the drinks at the bar missing and also the second bottle of wine. You have to wonder how difficult it is to put the right item on the right bill right? God knows, and my bill comes in 3 separate bills as god knows what they did there too but I am not pointing it out, I just over tip and ease my conscience that way. Mr & Mr Soho House better sort their staff out before they really get busy crazy and lose tons of cash this silly way.

The evening ends with Toph having established that GP loves jazz and offering his mate Brandford up for a gig when he's in LA in a couple of weeks, tickets and backstage all around. So they're now firm friends.

9 June - Truths & Self Censoring

Other people’s blogs manage to have more honesty infused in the writing. You may think this is pretty honest considering I write about Toph for example. ‘Doesn’t he mind?’ say some friends who know us both. Answer: he doesn’t have the url, or a way to find out. he was told I write about him and long time ago I gave him selected choice passages, flattering ones perhaps, but he’s hardly read them and profess not to be curious so he can hardly say he minds … Had it been the other way round, I’d have employed FBI style methods to arrive at his url. But yes, I steer clear of totally writing it like it is vis a vis me and him or even too much about thoughts that are outside of this relationship, just in case one day he reads them and gets totally upset by them.

But I avoid all sort of topics for fear of offending some friends who read or may read in future and sure I could write about just me, but just me is never in isolation and is always intertwined with them. So it’s sort of difficult. I say this because I was dipping in and out of another woman’s blog and she seemed to reveal a lot more about the past and the present and I was wondering at the candour. But is it? She’s after traditional publication so I have to conclude that she’s not ever going to be that honest either as it will never disappear from the waves so to speak.

But it presents all sorts of self censoring opportunities, like when you want to write about 2 friends who may both read this regularly having a tiff but you can’t. Your writing would give away whose side you’re on for example.

It’s all relative. For A. the boiler is about to explode and central heating and hot water has to be turned off till fixed by B. For B. the boiler is easily fixed (eventually, after A. has vacated the premises) and the problem was down to over using by party A in any case. Do you see what I mean? Imagine if I was talking about their relationships and so on.

It may not be dissimilar to when you want to call G’s ex girlfriend to tell her that his new /prospective squeeze has already commented about how she’d ALSO like to change his wardrobe which is on occasions so cringingly ultra gay as to leave you er… worried.

This would provide ex girlfriend with many needed giggles, but it’s not fair to G for example. But if I could write it like I want, possibly exaggerating in order to get a good sketch. Well, I would not be as good as Peep Show but … sort of, and you wouldn’t be bored by my moral dilemmas. Maybe I need to start another blog, just for me to really let rip when I want to…

31 March - Dogs & Removals

Was just thinking...I may be a crap friend when it comes to listening or giving advice that turns out to be unappreciated or contentious but am total ace when it comes to sticking to my word and going beyond the call of blah blah, if practical help is required. So, I had a cold which was reaching full on proportions already on Saturday, but I still went to a kiddie's b'day because it was family and would have appeared rude otherwise. And I did my share of conversation. I quite liked old lady who's a dentist assistant and was in norther India for 3 weeks recently with a dentist who was doing probono work. She made me laugh when describing de-scaling people's teeth that have never once before encountered a hygienist. I had not tucked into b'day cake yet but nearly spilled my wine which wasn't tasting of anything on account of having a cold but I thought the alcohol would help me through the afternoon.

Then yesterday, Sunday, a day I could do with doing nothing, I was out of the house at 9.30 to go walk a dog on Hampstead Heath with its owner so I could learn how to do it/what the dog likes, how he behaves when it's out etc. This for future reference, for when I'll walk him on my own. This for various reasons ended up being a longer thing than anticipated and ended around 1pm. Of course the weather was sunny and it's nice to spend time with my friend but I felt tired and just wanted to sit at home and do nothing. But no, had promised to go help a friend who's packing her house for storage as she's renting it out via an agency and it all had to go. I kept to this because various other people invited to the packing party had let her down. And because she has a broken left arm due to skiing accident, even sticking some tape on a box was going to be difficult.

So I got there at 1.30 and left at 6pm. She lives on a top floor so by the time I gave a lift back to another friend who was leaving saddled with boxes and bags of toys for his daughter (discarded by friend who's leaving whose boys had a bedroom choka with games and entertainment) and we got to his house, I managed to help him put everyting into the lift but suddenly said 'I can't come up and help you take them out, I simply have to go'. That was only because I reminded myself that when you're doing favours, well, you should do what you can, it's not an exam. So... I got home at 7pm and my Sunday was gone. My day of rest. Not. And on top of that as friend who's leaving still has a lot to do, I have said I'll turn up again tonight. I still have the cold and I still feel like I want my bed and nothing else (even Toph was warned 'Don't jump my bones, cause I don't want anything'. He replied 'My god you must be really ill'.) So there.

18 March - First Quarter Losses

Time to tot up 1st quarter losses. They are: a beanie hat dropped on skiing holiday, not a favourite. A ring, not a favourite either, but one that had been sought out repeatedly (my sister had bought me the wrong size) in trips to Italy, Hong Kong and finally found in Geneva. However, despite the cost, it started to tarnish almost immediately and had planned to take it back to Swatch shop in London. If I had taken it back last week (after I found where I had put the receipt) I would not have lost it a few days later by leaving it on the sink of a restaurant bathroom. What is the moral there? I hate, hate taking rings off, I never do. One good reason for buying gold ie it doesn’t tarnish or oxydise and there I go, take this one off to ‘preserve’ it and leave it behind. Not found of course.

The moral maybe is I didn’t care much for either object, beanie or ring, and they were taken from me to prove this. But the thing is that I’ve thought of nothing but the ring for days. Can’t buy it again as it was discontinued line and not easy to find. And as extra punishment for being distracted, have not worn a ring on that finger since so I notice even more how bare that hand is.

Then the other night I slept at friend’s house and her dog ate a cherished diaphanous light cashmere top (Nicole Fahri) which I had left on the bed. Dog is able to jump on bed and indeed came into the bedroom wanting to play – at 6am!- and I shooshed him away. Never noticed he took the top till it was found properly mauled later. Not even my creativity with adornments can mask the huge holes though some Japanese girl probably would think it's deliberately chewed. The thing is, ever since I had that top, it had two, make it three small holes/tears, which I hid with broaches, but eventually I spent a good time on Sunday last to finally fix/repair/mend it after seeking out wool of the same pale minty green colour. What is the significance of this? Either fix it immediately and have time to enjoy it or don’t bother, it will be too late? Two days after you fix what’s broken it breaks even more? Any parallels with relationships here? Help? I need explanations.

I also seem to have lost a friend, hopefully temporarily, over an offer of help her self esteem, that didn’t go down too well. Right now I bemoan the cashmere top the most. Shallow? moi?

18 December - Social Lottery & Friends

It's that time of the year when we all frantically try to catch up with people we haven't yet managed to see 'before xmas'. In my case, as will be away first 3 weeks in January, there's an added element of 'but I won't see you for ages'. But it all feels a bit forced, and as I meet one friend for coffee/dinner, am thinking 'Shit, have to still fit in so and so but how many dinners out can I have in one weeks considering that I can't do it the model way ie. poking at food on a plate, if I order it, I eat it and I don't order salads, no, I order regular food and that's fattening. Anyway, on the phone to kooky venitian friend S., she tells me she's having the same problem and this year she's had the idea of writing all the friends' names on pieces of paper and drawing a few names out of a hat in order to get to decide which friends to see PROPERLY, ie giving undivided attention. She says she's going to tell the others that sorry, this year it's not their turn.
I think it's a fantastic idea but what if she draws other names next year and this time those people (having been offended this year) will say 'Sorry no, doesn't work like that, we don't want to see you now nyeah nyeah nyeah'. She hadn't thought about this but says she's still going ahead with the new protocol.

I tell her she should consider it for her paramours as she currently has three: her bank manager in Venice, a lawyer in Rome and a musician in Frankfurt. As she's a creative herself, my advice is to, for once, ditch the musician and try something different or at least... loaded with cash. She says she will, after all she's not kissed any of them yet. She also says she's made a rule and will try to see each at least 3 times first, before progressing to kissing stage. Who'd have thought we'd go back to these kind of mores? Me, personally, I'd like the return of the marking of the dancing card.

13 November - Party & Monsters

Ohmygod the best g/friend who lives abroad and who’s married to a man ten years her senior and v. straight (likes wine… but don’t we all), is on a rare w/end visit to London. I/we stalwart friends get a joint email saying she’ll be here on the Friday and she feels like being BAD.

A flurry of emails ensues between some of us (some are slow on the uptake or just not in front of a computer) and me and the boys start plotting. In the space of a few minutes we come up with: an art opening at 6pm, dinner at Shoreditch house, a gay show at the Vauxhaull tavern, BT doing a rare gig at Turnmills, and then a remaining all-nighter at her old flat which will probably require me finding a copy of our favourite 90’s come down record, ie. Mr William Orbit. No doubt the others who haven’t communicated yet will throw in their ideas and we’ll have too many and suffer from thinking that 12 hours are not enough. Half are old party monsters. Though in current terms nobody is as bad as Winehouse or Moss probably.

She’s so excited, to leave husband behind in small provincial town where nothing happens but work and I’m so excited that the BF may be visiting his mother that w/end because he’s as straight as dye (and my friend’s husband) and he won’t ‘get it’. Not like us who go back soooo many years and er.. have even shared beds in some permutations. This feels totally naughty and as usual it’s the expectation that’s the most exciting part. On the night we’ll probably flake out but for now it’s full on, we’ll do everything, go everywhere and we may meet new friends on the way.

7 August - If the face don't fit

I met a new potential friend at the gym a while back. She asked to go for drink/coffee as we work near each other. I did: 2 lunches and 1 evening drink. She asks for another lunch. We’re both busy all the time so hard to fit it in. However am not in a hurry. I don’t want new g/friends. I have no desire to share history/whinging about life with anyone new. We talked work for 10% of the time and the rest was the usual 'There was this guy, but.....'(fill in per script). She’s 7/8 years younger than me. Great figure, not an attractive face or voice. And I hear the words of a male friend who said ‘You don’t have any good looking g/friends’ . I disagree frankly (and any of you reading this pls. don’t take offence) but I know what he means, all my g/friends have aged well or less well and there’s hardly any under 40 and he wouldn’t find much to pick with the over 40 ones. He’s over 40 himself but as we all know there’s a major double standard at work between man and women ageing. I consider briefly going on some Facebook or the like and soliciting a gathering of gorgeous young women just for one evening. I guess I’d get half a dozen and then could just ask him to come along and meet some of my new friends. And see his face. I would instruct all said young and attractive women to talk to him by all means but to studiously avoid giving him the impression they’d be interested in someone his age/level of attractiveness/wallet status. That would teach him a valuable lesson ie. we all spend years hanging on to the friends we like and losing the ones we don’t value enough/need/get enough from or give to and now’s not the time to go judging them on their looks and this from me, a self-confessed major lookist. Having said that, in the summer there’s always an article or two talking about women and their less or more attractive g/friends and even those new articles about getting a slim friend if you want to be healthy as you’d copy her lifestyle more than the slim friend would be influenced by the fat friend lifestyle. In other words, fat friend may eat more salads, slim friends will not eat more doughnuts. I’d have no major hang-ups about going on holiday with J Lo if she invited me. Granted I’d be J Lo’s mate to most or nearly all who meet us, but I doubt they wouldn’t know my name by end of day 1. And yes, they’d be stupid to think they can pull me if she wasn’t interested in them enough. I’d have a good bullshit detector for the ‘can’t get the singer, let’s go for the backing singer’ manoeuvre. I have simply and studiously avoided going on holiday with any g/friends (bar the long w/ends here and there) because I’d just get bored of hanging abroad with someone I don’t hang with 24/7 in London either. I love them, but I only go on holiday with men I’m having sex with or there’s too many down hours. Sounds harsh but that’s my ethos on this. So I'll have to come up with a few ‘Can’t make it’ and see if potential new g/friend backs away naturally. Wonder if recently I've met anyone I'd like to see more of and they've not responded... Ah yes, still smarting over belle babette not ever getting in touch and ignoring my invites. She's just bought a flat in Soho with the cash from divorce settlement and is seeing an old friend who not so bizarrelly is connected to my good friend G. I must be boring to her for sure and I never fussed enough over her tiny dogs. Or god knows what it is...

23 April - Rio & the boy

A friend is in town with his new g/friend. She’s never been to London before, we go to a great restaurant in Charlotte St (Rocka? How quickly I forget) except for the LA style waiters who keep making suggestions for food and wine to clearly get us to inflate the bill. The way they were pouring out the bottles of wine and hassling for re-orders! I totally hate that pushiness, it’s so annoying but as they seem to have 6 people looking after the 4 of us maybe everyone in here is on commission. Anyway, the g/friend is fine, she’s wearing a rock chick top with bra on show and she has those sexy gap teeth that the BF loves. Me, I like them little less so, have well documented by fetish for perfect teeth. Funny how BF likes other girls to convey ‘dirty’ but prefers moi to be above that look. Not that am ever prim, far from it, but I never do the fallen out of nightclub look. Anyway, the new g/friend innocently asks how me and her boy met. So we give her the story of our fortuitous encounter in Rio de Janeiro minus the small detail of how we er.. slept together for much of that time.. NYE 2003 onwards in fact. He’s sat directly opposite me and being as diplomatic as me. Sweet. Yet, what with the flavours of the gorgeous food slowly releasing, and the good choice of wine, I have to reign in the memories. But that was then, and this is my blog so here it goes….
tbc ... tomorrow.